Dialogue: Keys to success in life and love

By ROANNE PARKER

I've just finished penning a letter to William Gates, Esq, of Seattle, Washington, and I do hope it gets to the man himself. I need to let him know that I have been inspired with an idea that will surely be his biggest success to date.

I could have kept it for myself but I'm not selfish, and, besides, I think this will be so big only a company like Microsoft could handle it.

After 31 years on this Earth, all of them spent as a tactless Sagittarian, it has become clear that the next version of Windows after the whiz-bang XP needs to be the HS - the Homo Sapiens version.

The Windows HS needs to come with all the standard gadgets of the PC version, and all of the current functionality, but with more relevance to our daily lives.

The things I am most keen to integrate into my daily transactions are the short-cut keys. These are the little gems that let you control your task with a mere double-digit poke at the keyboard.

I have been dreaming of the significant improvements we could see in human relations if we could get some of that control in our lives - well, okay, I'm really thinking about my latest crisis.

I have landed myself in a spot of bother, which is not a new thing at all. But where I usually shrug my shoulders and grin an apology, this time I really wished I could go back and get rid of it.

And guess what? With the new Windows HS I could have just pressed Ctrl-Backspace and deleted the previous word. Even better for a motormouth like me, Ctrl-Delete gets rid of the next word. What a joy it would be to be able to keep up the pace of my outburst, knowing I could delete the next word.

How I love the Undo button - I already use it all the time.

Imagine how cool it would be to get to do that in real life. Whatever you just did, well that's okay. Step in dog poop? Just hit Ctrl-Z. See the keys dangling in the ignition as you lock the car door? Ctrl-Z again.

Any time you say, do or don't do when you wish you hadn't or had, it's just undo, undo and undo again. I am excited about getting hold of that one.

And here's a beauty - when I have lost the kids at St Lukes I can use the find function with Ctrl-F. Oh, I could have used that many times over the years, most memorably when I was nearly arrested for supposedly abandoning my absconding 2-year-old in the Melbourne casino, and during a long afternoon of hide and seek at Te Papa.

I haven't any more 2-year-olds, but as long as we get the Find function delivered before they are teenagers, it will probably have been worth the wait.

Some of these existing commands are clever, and won't need any adjusting. Like Home when you can no longer walk, much less drive, or End when you just wish it would. Feeling shy? Ctrl-B will make you bold, and when you need to make a point, use Ctrl-U to get underlined.

What about the rare moments we don't regret, those rare special times we wish would never end? Next time I have a moment in a million, a kiss on the lips, a sunset from the boat deck, a grin from a toothless 6-year-old, I can hit Ctrl-S and Save it for ever.

What else can we use? Are you renovating? Alt-Tab will change your windows. Simple as that. There doesn't appear to be one for changing floor coverings or paint colours, so I will let Bill know that one would be gratefully received in our new HS. Less spectacular but handy when rushing out the door is the instant Close Windows with a quick Ctrl-F4.

Oh, I have had a flash of brilliance. How about in the kitchen Ctrl-R for an instantly prepared risotto, Ctrl-P when you are too busy to find a loo (happens to me a lot) and Ctrl-H to get rid of hangovers?

I'm just getting silly now. However, I am quietly confident you are reading the work of a future mega-billionaire. I'll be hanging out at the Microsoft ranch, dripping in kudos and Dr Pepper while you are living the all-new stress-free way, wearing the Windows HS wrist-watch controller, undoing as you go.

Of course we don't want to whitewash life's little idiosyncrasies completely, but I am already working on my next release and I'm sure I will hear from Bill any day now.