Dialogue: It's a heavy burden being a mother

By SANDY BURGHAM

Next Sunday is Mother's Day, the one day when families stop and express their gratitude to Mum for keeping the family show on the road.

She'll get to lie in, receive breakfast in bed, a group hug, a few bath salts and some talcum powder. It's a tradition but today's mothers have bitten off a lot more than traditionally mums could chew.

Now, apart from motherhood and household chores, she has financial responsibilities, plus her own future to consider.

While every generation supposedly has it easier than the one before, today's mums may not be as content as we assume. While thankful that progress has allowed mothers not only conveniences but choices and options, it's these things that have given the modern mum a new set of issues to contend with.

Increased options have led women to believe you can have it all, the implication being that if you don't have it all, you could be selling yourself short.

Mothers are consistently at risk of feeling short-paid. If they work full-time, there is always a nagging doubt that maybe they should spend more time with the children. This sometimes amounts to a mere few hours of quality time during the working week.

Full-time working mothers are driven by both financial and emotional needs to work. You get paid for your contribution and receive regular and addictive boosts to your self-esteem - neither, of which you get at home.

For the high-fliers, it is hard to sacrifice a healthy salary and lunch hours for a life of doing puzzles with pre-schoolers. Thus, the decision to conceive is being delayed, sometimes indefinitely.

Stay-at-home mums seem to need to continue justifying their decision to stay at home because others happily manage to juggle motherhood and employment. They are proud of their decision and hide some concerns they have about being distanced from an ever-changing workplace as their market value plummets.

While they love the little blighters, a life of routine playground and toy-library visits can frankly be rather dull compared to the cut and thrust of work.

And while those working mums can fall back on motherhood for a reality check, at-home mums after a bad day with the kids can't help thinking, "What's in it for me?" And there is an expectation that their children are better adjusted since they supposedly have all the time in the world to get the motherhood thing right.

Then there are the smug part-time working mums who think they have struck the right balance. The risk here, of course, is ending up being average at everything versus being good at one thing. Particularly since mothers still do the lion's share of household management. It is not as if just because they have decided to work, their husband automatically does half the housework.

Most men fall into the usual pattern of contributing with rubbish duties once a week, light bulb maintenance once a month and changing the wall calendar once a year. They have cleverly patioed in the lawn to get rid of that chore.

Then there's the issue of househusbands, which seems appealing on the surface. But there's something not quite right about it.

While its preferable for the child to be looked after by a parent, the at-home parenting role is a doddle compared to work and I would feel resentful if I thought he was spending all day kicking balls in a park while I was slogging my guts out - despite the double standards.

I must confess to thinking there is something remotely namby-pamby about blokes who decide to stay home and look after the children.

Of course, as mothers the rewards cannot be measured and no mother will deny that these far outweigh the sacrifices. Nor can your contribution to your family and society be given a monetary value.

It is politically incorrect to even whisper that motherhood isn't all it's cracked up to be in case this is misread as a wish for the clock to be turned back, a lack of respect for the role of motherhood, or a suggestion that we don't enjoy our children.

Women, mothers included, have come a long way but with heavier loads to bear.

Make sure you show your appreciation for this next Sunday.