Dialogue: If you're looking for love, go for it!

Why is it unacceptable to look for love? To actively pursue it? Oh no, people say, you can't seek out the intangible, love just happens. Yet, considering how important relationships are to people, isn't that a bit of a risk, to leave finding one up to chance?

Trawling the singles' columns isn't something people readily admit to. Blind dates are to be feared, and we all have a good laugh at our friends who scare off potential suitors by mentioning their desire for marriage and children before the main course has cooled.

So, how do you look without looking like you're looking?

I received an e-mail yesterday from a girlfriend, Amanda. The usual nonsense: why doesn't she have a ready man, a steady man, just any man? She's smart, talented, kind and funny, yet the men who are keen on her she doesn't want to know, and the ones who aren't keen intrigue her most.

But I know what she means. She thinks that if she has a man, the rest of her life's issues will be solved. Of course, she wants more than a man for the night or a fling or a short-term thing. She doesn't want one who's scared of being tied down or is licking old wounds, which means her pool of potential partners gets shallower by the day.

And, like men in days gone by, who expected their wives to be virgins, she's only interested in hooking up with someone who is on the first time round - pure, at least, in the eyes of the law and procreation.

She wants fresh meat, if that's not asking too much. She'll only date unmarried, childless men over 35, a species that is proving harder and harder to find.

As she gets older the conditions grow and the numbers stack up against her.

So, anyway, Amanda writes this e-mail and it's the same-old same-old, not getting any younger, will I ever find love?

I couldn't help but feel that she was asking for advice - from me, of all people. What do I know about finding love?

Ah, what the heck, when have I ever let experience stop me from poking my oar in?

In the name of research I watched TV's Single Girls. How, I wondered, was the meat market performing? The answer, I'm afraid, is not very well.

The four girls completely contravened my only theory on looking, which is: it's okay to look, so long as you're doing other things at the same time.

Obsessive love quests that exclude life's other tasks can come over a little intimidating, and ten-pin bowling, renting limousines and applying makeup do not count as other things.

Also, with prizes at stake it's hard to know if the men are as keen on scoring with one of the girls as they are on scoring a trip to Samoa .

None of this is helping Amanda, though, who was still waiting for a reply.

I started with the old, "Unless you're happy as a single, you'll find it hard to become one half of a functional pair" - which Amanda probably didn't want to know, so I moved onto cliches.

"If you're not looking, you'll probably find it and it'll be so much more rewarding for the wait." Then I heard myself and realised that platitudes were useless because Amanda has waited long enough.

Then it dawned on me: she could look for love; she should look for love if she wants it that much.

If I want a job, I look, right? Fat lot of good it's done so far, but it is acceptable behaviour. If I can't find my keys and I'm home, I know they must be in the house or I wouldn't have got inside in the first place. So, I turn the house upside down until I find them. I wouldn't sit on the couch waiting for them to materialise.

Ignore the stigma attached to actively looking for love, if it's the only thing missing from your otherwise perfect life. I say go for it.

There you go, Amanda, there's your advice and, for anyone else who has pondered that great dilemma, you can take it, too. Don't be ashamed to admit you're on the market. Real estate agents don't put the open-home flags behind the house; St Matthew didn't say, "Sit back and ye shall find."

And if you're still not convinced, take the wisdom of Bob Dylan to heart: When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose.