Dialogue: If we would only take note of simplest advice

As I waited for my baby to arrive, I wound down my work life and had a shot at being a traditional wife for a week or so.

There was time to potter about, talk on the phone to friends and do those things one never gets time to do - like sorting out the photo albums. I think I was even pleasant to live with.

While I had always assumed housewifery to be a bit of a bore, frankly it was great living without the usual stresses which, like many, I have come to regard as normal.

While the full-time housewife role has been undervalued and undermined for too long, let's not over-estimate how stressful it is - particularly for those who cannot afford to take time off work to do it. I could live this stress-free life but would have to suffer the personal and social consequences of sacrificing a work life to do it.

So why don't I? As much as I complain about the pressures of being a working mother, I admit to being greedy, setting too high an expectation of lifestyle and being addicted to it.

Recently I was "casually" given a leaflet on "the secrets of stress-free living." (A hint perhaps?) On the second page there was a photo of a busy, bespectacled business-suited female executive with phone tucked under chin, diary and pen poised, baby on hip. The rest of the leaflet gave mind-boggling advice such as, "Take time out, exercise and eat right." But it was this clincher that really got me thinking, the simplest advice of all ... "If something is causing stress, consider an alternative."

Indeed. But why don't we do that?

Stress can sometimes be worn as a bit of an achievement badge, meaning that we are busy, successful, laden with responsibility.

We leave things to the last minute, we "work better under pressure." There is nothing like a bit of stress to meet the deadline. We feel a compulsion to be stressed about something. My husband reminds me constantly that I am unhappy unless there is some drama unfolding somewhere in my perfectly normal life.

Like smokers who are simultaneously warned of the ill-effects but continue with their addiction, we are inundated with reminders, cures and tips for stress-free living through every media available, but we recklessly plough on, preferring to complain about being stressed to the max.

Earlier this year, a precedent was set with a probation officer and a police photographer both gaining compensation for stress-related illnesses linked to years of difficult work.

While I neither resented their windfall, envied their position nor found the alleged lack of employer support acceptable, I couldn't help wondering why this line of work was chosen in the first place. While the reports indicated help was requested from the workplace but not forthcoming, finding another job might have been a good idea.

We used to laugh at corporations in Japan who encouraged workers to use punching bags with the bosses' faces on them or to scream loudly at designated sessions. But as stress is becoming both expected and socially acceptable, these seem rather sensible practices.

The emergence of stress as the root of all contemporary evil has naturally spawned a huge industry in antidotes that spans books, food, media, pharmaceuticals, gadgets (for instance, the stress ball - as if that's going to help), seminars and courses. But, frankly, this stuff doesn't seem to be helping. Stress conquers all. Possibly anti-stress publicity means stress is self-perpetuating. We must be stressed because everyone keeps telling us we are. Maybe we talk ourselves into it. Note that at the same time as people are claiming that they have less time than before, there are predictions of a worldwide boom in the leisure industry.

Somewhere in the past 20 years the concept of being stressed has moved from referring to the force on a rope or pressure on an object to a person's mental state. But we all plough on as if we don't have a choice in the matter.

We do, of course, but we just don't want to make the sacrifices.

Thus the most practical and readily accepted advice given about eliminating stress is not about meditation or massage, but simply to "find a bigger problem to worry about." And that's something we all know how to do.