Dialogue: Hungry for mayor to make a mark

By ROANNE PARKER

I write this on a Freedom Air plane as I streak down the North Island on my way to the windy city. I'm off to meet some of the best real estate agents in the land, but all I can think of right now is my empty tummy.

Let's face it, I have plenty of time to write, as there is nothing for me to drink or eat. Of course, I forgot that and I didn't even get a coffee this morning.

And now here I am, feeling like I have a "Nil by Mouth" sign above my head. Nothing to consume or to read, except the inflight safety card and, call me flippant, but I do believe I have that one sussed already.

To add insult to injury, the flight attendants are at this very minute down the back in their little cubbyhole crowded around a pack of Griffin's sampler biscuits. When I ducked into the loo I saw one of the sunny-shirted staff stuff a pink wafer into her gob. It's just cruel.

I love Wellington for its pedestrian-friendly city, its culture and its dark and dodgy corners. Even the much-whinged-about parking is not too bad, and, besides, in Wellington you are only truly cool if you have neither a car to drive nor even a licence to drive it.

One of Wellington's best points is its soon-to-be ex-Mayor. I feel a plaintive Auckland whinge coming on when I think of the difference the recent mayors of Wellington, Christchurch and even Invercargill have made to their ratepayers' quality of life.

I saw Tim Shadbolt stand on a chair at an agricultural field day this year, handing out oysters to a huge crowd who obviously delighted in his 45-minute rant. After five minutes we all had no doubts about why Invercargill is so fabulous.

Vicki Buck left Christchurch a changed city: a city of family-friendly festivals, with a thriving downtown arts and tourist precinct.

Mark Blumsky has been the human embodiment of the absolutely positively theme, appealing to those interested in business and in pleasure, the greenies and the rightists alike.

Oh, Auckland, what are we to do with you? First, I will state that I live in the city and I am a bit of a news junkie. And all I know about our mayoral history is that there was Sir Dove-Myer Robinson, then there was the gym-loving, gay-baiting Herne Bay dweller.

I know there is a rare gargantuan white elephant far from the zoo named Britomart, and I have no idea at all what Christine Fletcher has done with her time but here she is, up for it again.

Would we let John Banks get in? My shudders are possibly not enough to keep him safely gazing out at the harbour from his Viaduct-based bee business. But are we all so bored by the whole thing that we would let the mayor's office become an ex-polly hospice?

As for the other contenders, well, I'm at a loss. I can only judge them by the gazillion posters polluting our parks and roadsides. I have little snippets from a few of them, but that's all.

I've always liked the name Matt, but that doesn't mean he should be mayor. And I have to ask who is the guy in the kayak? Is that you, Matt? I love the way he has pinched that scene from the Steinlager advertisement for his posters. Perhaps it was unintentional but I love the way the words "work like you own the company" pop into my head when I see his hoarding.

Because that's what we want, isn't it? We want the mayor to work like they own the company. What do I, average busy citizen, want you to do, new mayor? Leave the city better than you found it. Rip up the whole downtown and start again. Give this wannabe Pacific tiger the heart of a lion. Flatten the Bombay hills and admit we are kiwis, too, no better or worse than the ones in Hokitika and Opotiki.

We won't love ourselves until we have a mayor who makes us proud. We won't be the greatest kiwi city until we start acting like kiwis. When we can look north and south and feel like we belong to it all, when we stop turning to Westfield for our weekend recreation, when we don't have to slag off Southland because they've got Tim Shadbolt, free polytech and the highest growth rate in the country; when we have a mayor who seems irreplaceable, we'll probably be on the right track.

In the meantime, vote.