Dialogue: All the fuss about bringing up baby

One of the main reasons mothers of newborns hang out together in "coffee group" style is so they can incessantly whine about how hard it all is to people who are genuinely interested.

Despite agreeing unanimously that motherhood is indeed a joy, new mums are struck with a variety of conditions, complaints and syndromes that would have our matriarchal ancestors throwing their hands up in disbelief.

It seems everyone has their pet peeve to contend with - sleep deprivation, colic, reflux, lack of milk, too much milk, thin milk, post-partum incontinence, wakey baby, sleepy baby, wrong advice, not enough advice, too much advice and, of course, LHS (lazy husband syndrome).

Is it that our great-grandmothers never experienced these issues or is it that the modern mum just has her expectations set a little too high?

As usual in these modern times, we have complicated a natural process that our forebears simply took in their stride.

Today, going with the flow is just not an option. We want to get a handle on things before they get a handle on us.

It starts even before the birth when we are encouraged to attend antenatal classes to study the "theory." Did great-grandma go to these? Soon we are writing out the list of what to have on hand for childbirth.

While great-grandma may have had just two things - towels and hot water - today's recommended list runs for miles including such essentials as barley sugars, aromatherapy oils, homeopathic remedies and classical music.

We even prepare a "birth plan," which is sort of a strategy overview in advance of the event.

Childbirth is always going to be hard work - that's why it's called labour - but that still doesn't stop us modern mums trying to control the situation.

If baby is looking too big we can be induced or even have him cut out. And these days there is no need to suffer pain. While women over millenniums have simply screamed, squeezed someone's hand, or bitten on a cloth, we prefer to go for the heavy-duty epidural anaesthetic so we can read magazines during the contractions.

Even those who go for the old-fashioned home birth option need accessories: plenty of candles and massage oils, a support cast of thousands, a digi-cam, a birthing pool and possibly dolphins if they are available.

But for most, the thought of giving birth naturally is rather unnecessary when you can do it pain-free without any risk of ruining the new carpet.

After the big moment, of course, one can opt for luxury care at a five-star exclusive maternity facility with their gourmet meals, spa baths, ensuite facilities and private telephones.

It's a bit like staying at the Stamford Plaza but with midwives doubling as room service.

In these days of consumer choice and convenience we are programmed into believing we can buy ourselves out of any difficulty or inconvenience with products and solutions for every eventuality. Thus once home, we have every contraption available to relieve us of any discomfort associated with having a newborn.

Our household has invested in every baby-holding receptacle known to mankind - sling, front pack, back pack, the controversial walker, the battery operated swing, jolly jumper and bouncer. For outdoor pursuits it's common to have three prams - the traditional strolling buggy, the wheel frame to click the car seat straight into and, of course, the all-terrain buggy so you can go on grass at the park.

Now that towelling nappies are a thing of the past (who wants to spend their mornings knee-deep in nappy bleach?) the new must-have accessory is the anti-ponging nappy bin, which eliminates nasty odours from used disposables.

Other convenience items include the automatic bottle steriliser - for those who can't be bothered boiling stuff. And how about this one - a drinking device which Mum attaches to the baby's car seat.

It has a straw mechanism trailing up to the baby's head so when he wants to take a drink he simply moves his head to the side and takes a sip. No more stopping the car to ferret around for a juice bottle.

Yes, they've thought of everything.

Despite all this help, my generation can only handle about two newborn experiences before saying, "I'm not going through that again."

Great-grandma - she had 10 kids. Was she superwoman or are we just a bunch of control-freaking wussies?