Dialogue: A link with the Auckland menagerie

By SIMON VINCENT*

Having just returned from a visit to England, one of the first things I did on arrival in Auckland was to reacquaint myself with the city by taking a trip on the Link bus. This $1 ride is one of my favourite activities in Auckland and something I had sorely missed.

Of course, my native Liverpool has plenty of bus journeys available, including trips around the Beatles' old haunts and rides for the soccer-obsessed. However, when light-fingered Scousers say they are taking the bus, it could just as well mean they are planning auto theft on a grand scale.

The Link bus is not only an extremely cheap and efficient way of getting around a bustling city such as Auckland, it provides a great source of entertainment. All manner of life can be observed both on and off the bus.

So much so that those whose people-watching activity is confined to trendy cafes should really get out more.

A trip on the Link bus is like taking a safari through Auckland. Take the Ponsonby Rd watering holes, the habitat of those who consider themselves at the top of the social order.

These types tend to dress in black, an effective camouflage among the circling waitresses. They tend also to feed on fancy salads and guard their tables with a territorial fervour.

To maintain their vigilance during a long day of discussing the latest sackings on Shortland Street, they drink endless coffees from huge bowls and spread sections of the Herald around to further dissuade interlopers.

Leaving the relative calm of Ponsonby pride behind, we encounter the majesty of K Rd. Here the diversity of creatures is at its most marked. At times it is best to travel with an experienced guide. Little of the abundant wildlife here could be described as tame.

The area really comes alive after dusk, but even in the full glare of daylight many of the most interesting creatures can be seen. The watering holes here are occupied by a very different type to the Ponsonby Rd caffeine sippers.

Here, the locals sit alone with one huge paw wrapped around a jug of foaming beer, occasionally looking up at the distant prey - horses they will never catch - on the television screen.

K Rd is also home to some of the brightest creatures. Both males and females parade along the thoroughfare, their glittering costumes designed to catch the eye of a potential mate. Often their natural charms are enhanced with a visit to Rendells' cosmetic counter before they begin again the search for a companion. Alas, all too often these meetings are brief, so the ritual must begin again.

Among all these brash displays, however, the observant may also witness one of the shyest of Auckland's diverse types. Here, on K Rd, the nondescript plumage of his dirty raincoat can just be made out as he darts in and out of the adult stores for his own type of people-watching.

Leaving the wild lands behind, we are soon at the university, where we are surrounded by roaming packs of the juvenile intelligentsia. These wonderful creatures are marked by their twittering calls, decipherable only by their own kind, and the wearing of skins from their ancestors which were obtained from op-shops.

At first glance, Newmarket might appear a haven, but look again. This is the land of the giant beasts, the mighty four-wheel-drive creatures of the city. They lock bumpers in primitive displays of superiority as they tussle for a parking space before the hunt begins. Shopping has never been so ferocious as when these retail sharks circle a bargain.

Soon we are heading back towards Queen St, a hive of activity and fascinating behaviour. Here, human nature is at its most basic.

Among the roaming packs is the suited city worker scurrying around, feeding on fast-food options, no longer able to provide nourishment for himself.

And the long-legged secretary hurrying away from the cat-calls of the construction worker as he takes another smoko.

Now watch the distressing dance of the common tourist. This way and that they turn in an endless search for fulfilment, only a Lonely Planet to help their migration.

Yes, there is a great deal to be seen on a Link bus and I haven't even mentioned my fellow passengers. So pay your $1 and enjoy the ride.

* Simon Vincent is a former British Army special forces soldier.

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