Imagine the hoops a landowner would jump through to erect a giant Wellywood sign on private property. Thousands of dollars in application fees paid to the local council, objections would be filed, submissions heard - you know the drill.
But in Wellington the rules are different. The poor bastards trying to build the Hilton Hotel must be weeping into their gins every night, as yet again they're faced with opposition to their much-needed five-star accommodation.
Meanwhile, the Wellington Airport company has a non-notified resource consent approved by the Wellington City Council to erect ghastly Wellywood - 28m long and 3.5m high in Miramar. By the way, the airport's majority shareholder just happens to be Wellington City Council.
Mayor Kerry Prendergast told Morning Report the sign is "fantastic. It puts New Zealand on the world stage." Even if that were true, it would be for the wrong reasons.
Prendergast calls the sign "art" and "creative" and anyone who doesn't like it is just a knocker. Her Worship needs to look up some words in the dictionary, starting with "creative".
It doesn't mean copying others. Then she needs to move on to "copyright", followed by "cost to ratepayers" to defend lawsuits taken by US patent attorneys.
She opined the "city to sea bridge" was once controversial. "Now every Wellingtonian thinks it's stunning and should stay."
I bet they don't. I know some Wellingtonians who think it looks like the rabbit hutches devoted mums used to build for their kids' furry pets, but Prendergast would dismiss those ratepayers as philistines and knockers.
In her interviews she is sounding increasingly whiney and exhausted, and showing tell-tale signs of a self-appointed elitist who's been in charge too long.
She also needs to take a hard look at why she's standing again for mayor. Last year she ruled it out. Three terms were enough, she'd promised her husband Rex Nicholls.
But this month Prendergast announced she would seek a fourth term from Wellington ratepayers. "Wellington is doing really well and is a fantastic city. Why change?"
Hubby piped up in support: "We get to go to some fantastic events. We went to the opening of the Beijing Olympic Games, for example, so there is that side of it too."
So speak those suffering from entitle-itus.
Wellington, once a jewel, is sadly in decline. The 2010 Economist Intelligence Unit's global liveability survey ranked Wellington down at 23 (Vancouver was first, Auckland was at 10, ahead of Paris and New York).
Prendergast makes the mistake of focusing on big issues when it's the little things which ruin relationships. She is obsessed with film-makers, especially Peter Jackson. At one stage she even tried to name the airport after him.
I'd wager there are dozens of plumbers and builders who contribute more to Wellington's economy than film-makers do. But they don't air kiss with Prendergast on red carpets.
She's concerned - rightly - about keeping big celebrations like the soccer, the sevens tournament, arts festivals.
But while Kerry fiddles, Wellington burns.
Earlier this year the city suffered hugely from bad press over parking wardens, and no matter what excuses the council offers about "space turnover", stinging Wellington motorists with $10 million in parking fines, in just one year, is no way to endear yourself to the public.
If the council wants parkers to comply, why does it make the meters so difficult? Text-a-park never works, and those infernal machines won't read a credit card. No wonder parking wardens are chased with wheelbarrows.
Then there's the ongoing saga of ripping up Manners Mall for buses.
Wellington people do wonderful things - against the odds. Geographically it has everything going for it - harbour, hills, historic American-style houses clinging to the slopes. It's our little San Francisco.
But, come October, it's time for a change. Sir Robert Jones' team will challenge with a Vibrant Wellington ticket.
But if he can't find a mayoral candidate better than Prendergast, he should pack his tent and move to Palmerston North.
<i>Deborah Coddington</i>: Sign of the times shows capital is having a 'mare
Wellington mayor Kerry Prendergast is in favour of a Wellywood sign. Photo / Supplied
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