Deborah Coddington: Driven to desperation by culture of shame

What sort of society puts its international reputation ahead of the welfare of a woman who, too frightened to acknowledge her unwanted pregnancy, gives birth in a plane toilet and hides the baby in a rubbish bin?

And what sort of society locks that same woman in jail, separating her from her breastfeeding baby, one week after she's had a "complicated" birth?

Shame on both our countries.

It's not the first time Samoa has cried "shame" when one of its unmarried mothers has been caught trying to jettison the unhappy result of extra-marital sex, and I bet it won't be the last.

In a vox pop conducted on Samoan streets this week by the Samoan Observer, most citizens said they believed the 29-year-old in question had brought shame to her home country.

It was the same in 2006 when a 20-year-old Samoan student at Otago University was convicted for infanticide for throwing her newborn baby out of the window - many in Samoa called these acts an "international embarrassment".

On the other hand, there have been words of extreme kindness from those in positions of power, such as Labour MP for Mangere, Su'a William Sio.

In an editorial written for the Samoan Observer - which I doubt many white New Zealanders will read - Sio stressed that abandoning a baby was not Samoan culture, and "cannot be allowed to be entertained as acceptable behaviour, no matter how difficult the circumstances".

However, Sio raised yet again the problem of the so-called culture of shame, whereby the fear of having done something wrong and bringing shame to the family leads these mothers "both in Samoa and in New Zealand" to dump their children.

Parents, he said, need to discuss sex more openly.

So what is the point of prosecuting this woman, already facing a bill for hospital care? Under the Crimes Act, she faces a maximum penalty of seven years' jail for abandoning a child under the age of 6.

I'm not suggesting we shouldn't have laws protecting children, or that unwanted babies should be dumped with impunity (and let's not go near the second and third trimester abortion argument at this moment), but, in the circumstances, one would have thought the police could have used discretion, kept a watching brief on mother and baby's bonding progress, and backed off.

She is also exposed to further prosecution under the Immigration Act for not disclosing her pregnancy to the authorities when she signed up for the Recognised Seasonal Employer scheme.

This heavily pregnant woman is accused of "lying". It is reported that "even her mother and father" didn't know she was pregnant. Yeah, right, everyone says.

Taihoa. Nearly 20 years ago my then editor at North & South, Robyn Langwell, reckoned she'd heard every excuse for lateness when I phoned from National Women's Hospital at 11am and said my kids' Fijian nanny, Leba, had just delivered a boy.

She'd been part of our family for four years and none of us knew she was pregnant, including Leba.

She went to the emergency department at 4am with back pains and got the fright of her life when doctors told her why.

At first she didn't want little Timmy, as we named him, but that lasted all of five minutes and now this fine young man, a New Zealand citizen but living in Fiji, is a credit to her.

I don't know who fathered Leba's child. Pride and modesty prevents these women from tracking down the culprit and demanding he accept his responsibilities, if not financially, then at least emotionally.

Which is why prosecuting these young women is so unfair. It takes two to make a baby, but the male side of the equation, who presumably was willing at the time of conception, has abandoned the baby before nature has even determined whether it will be a girl or a boy. When does he ever get punished?

In the case of the Pacific Blue baby, there's every likelihood the father is still in this country, since it is only seven months since the mother was previously working in Gisborne. But I won't hold my breath waiting for a proud dad to step forward and support his new family.

It's a terrible thing to throw a baby away and we recoil in horror at the news. But before judgment is passed so swiftly, shouldn't we put ourselves in the shoes of the abandoner?

Even if she knew she was pregnant, she obviously had no advice or care. Mid-flight, she suffers excruciating pain, holds on until landing, then goes to the loo and - all alone - has her baby.

Everyone's off the plane, she's in a foreign country, she has to earn money for her family, the company's paid half her airfare, she can't claim welfare, she has no husband or family with her, she's lost a lot of blood, is desperate, and panicking.

Would you calmly walk to the Customs officer and say, "Look what I have to declare"?