KEY POINTS:
Every Christmas people in my line of work rack their brains for a creative year-end column.
Recapping the big stories or riffing on the movers and shakers, winners and losers, is always popular. A "10 Best" or "10 Worst" list is a perennial favourite.
So what's a columnist to do when confronted with a blank screen, a deadline and no great ideas? Use it as an opportunity to whine about things that really bug you:
1. "Contact us"
Never have two words been used so widely to convey the opposite. Web- sites implore customers to "contact us," but the truth is, they don't want to hear from you. If they did, they wouldn't make it so hard to email them with a question or check an order.
The internet business model - selling things cheaper than bricks-and-mortar stores, sometimes with free shipping - only makes sense if a company can reduce its labour costs. Customer service, an oxymoron on its way to extinction (see No 2), is still best performed by a real person, although that presumption gets challenged every day.
2. Customer service
"Your call is very important to us. Calls may be monitored for quality control."
Please, please let a quality-control representative be listening in so that just maybe I can get the problem resolved!
Consumers got wise to the fact that they could avoid several rounds of phone-menu options by hitting "0" immediately. Then companies got wiser still, invalidating the zero option. ("I'm sorry, that option is not available.") Consumers then one-upped the companies by publishing an extensive list of short-cuts to help the consumer expedite his quest for a real, live operator at various companies.
Unresolved problems can go on for months, especially in the case of health-care reimbursement. Asking for a supervisor creates the illusion of escalating the complaint. More often than not, no one follows up, and you have to start the whole process over with a new rep.
One of these days, some company is going to realise that there's a market for consumers who will pay up for service, starting with yours truly.
3. Reboot drama
Personal computers have been around for three decades, yet "rebooting" is still the first line of defence when it comes to troubleshooting those incomprehensible daylight boxes that pop up seemingly at random.
Computers have become faster, bigger (or smaller, if that's your preference) and better, yet they still have more glitches than they should given that PCs are in their fourth or fifth generation.
Why can't computers work as well as cars? You change the oil, take it in for its manufacturer-recommended check-ups and have few problems that are not externally induced.
4. Hip-hop horrors
A lot of people can't be separated from their music, even for a second. That's a personal choice. Don't share it with the rest of us.
Bus and train passengers are notorious for playing hip-hop on their iPods loud enough to wake the drunk passed out at the other end of the car.
Maybe that's why some users choose to remove their headsets from time to time, letting them dangle from their necks, improving the listening experience for the rest of us!
A related bugaboo of mine are those privacy-invading drivers who insist on cruising with the windows down and the volume and bass turned up to the max.
Don't assume that because you like to drive and jive, the rest of us do too.
5. It's a phone!
Cellphones offer a convenient way to communicate without being tied down to the home or office.
The voice thing wasn't enough. Now they offer cameras, internet access and tonnes of features you don't want and don't need. - something you realised after you forked over several hundred bucks for the latest model. How about going back to the basics for those who just want a phone?
- BLOOMBERG
