Leaky Houses. Are there any other sort? I've only ever bought one house, and that was about 20 years ago. The experience was so traumatic I've never risked repeating it. Boy, was I innocent to the devious ways of the property trade.
I even turned up at an auction to bid
on a do-up cottage in Parnell. I'd fallen for the cute tiled fireplaces, all restored and crying out for burning coals. Luckily for me, air hostesses earned more than journalists - probably still do - and in the bidding frenzy that ensued I didn't get to raise my finger even once before the price soared out of my league.
A couple of days later when I detoured past the place to reflect on the unfairness of life, I noticed for the first time that there were no chimneys. They had obviously been sliced off below roof level to accommodate the shining new long-run iron. I drove off feeling much better.
I often wondered what the hostie's first fire of the winter was like.
After that lucky escape, a friend, more worldly-wise to the business, insisted on accompanying me on future sorties into the property jungle. He'd even been in the timber trade at one stage and went everywhere with his probing tool.
While I was busy being seduced by views and pressed steel ceilings, he'd disappear off for a spot of plunging into suspicious-looking woodwork.
He never let me forget that the first he saw of the place I did buy was after it was all signed and sealed and I was seeking advice from him about the best way of eradicating fleas. Then again, I doubt he would have probed the floor around the toilet (rotten) or the match-lined ceiling (rotten) above.
Neither would he have spotted the native softwood termites - about halfway in size between common old borer and huhu grubs - which had hollowed out most of the roof joists in the kitchen ceiling.
Ah, the happy days that followed, me with pots of borer killer trailing along behind the builder, generously slopping the toxic mix on the few bits of existing wood he declared didn't need amputating. I slapped it on the replacement treated timber, too - just for peace of mind.
Then I'd retire to bed at the other end of the house and hope for a fine night. By then I'd discovered the rusty roof leaked as well.
Those who had been down similar inner-city paths said it was what to expect of an 80-year-old house.
Which makes my experience a little different from the buyers of today's leaking, rotten homes.
I guess you don't buy a just-built house expecting it to be rotting and fungal from day one. That said, there's no way I would have bought one of these Noddy houses that have erupted around my way over the past 10 years or so.
You'd see the timber framing go up, then the thin exterior cladding covered with a daub of plaster and you'd wonder just how long they would last.
My first thought when I gazed on the seas of wood framing was Great Fire of London. Little did I think they'd soon be so damp that fire would be the least of the problems.
I'd also think noise. Noise I'd make that would annoy my neighbours. And vice versa.
Yet sell they did, little hutches whose prices seemed to match those of the sturdy villas nearby. These little hutches are now clad in scaffolding as belated attempts are made to weatherproof them.
Meanwhile, everyone involved is running about trying to blame someone else. Auckland deputy mayor David Hay, I think rightly, criticises purchasers and their lawyers for buying apartments without checking the track records of the developers or the builders. He said people wouldn't buy an expensive car like a Mercedes on that basis.
He might well have added that people shouldn't have bought something that looked like a Lada and expected a home of Mercedes quality.
From revelations in the Herald, it's the building system itself that's at fault. One whistleblower quoted compares most modern houses to "film sets". Viewing pictures of the mock Japanese village being built on Mt Taranaki for some Hollywood blockbuster with what's been built around my neighbourhood, I get his point.
Philip O'Sullivan, the whistleblower, says the combination of the new sheet cladding, untreated timber and lack of cavity walls is a recipe for disaster. He says even well-built houses are at risk. He seems to be right.
If that's the case, then Housing Minister George Hawkins should act decisively and freeze the building code that allows this method forthwith. It happens with unsafe food and children's car seats and medicines. Why not houses? At least that would stop the rot spreading.
After that, he and the councils and the other parties can get round to sorting out the remaining mess.
Further reading
Feature: Leaky buildings
Related links
Leaky Houses. Are there any other sort? I've only ever bought one house, and that was about 20 years ago. The experience was so traumatic I've never risked repeating it. Boy, was I innocent to the devious ways of the property trade.
I even turned up at an auction to bid
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