KEY POINTS:
On the day the United States announced plans for a permanent settlement on the moon, Auckland rail engineers told regional councillors the only way to get trains from the CBD out west was the 19th-century way. They had to be driven frontwards to Newmarket, then reversed out along the western line all the way to Henderson and yonder.
A year ago, the councillors rejected this silliness and sent their advisers away to do better. On Tuesday, the boffins returned to declare a mini-breakthrough - trains could go frontwards all the way out west, but only on special occasions like a World Cup rugby match at Eden Park.
Grumpy ARC chairman Mike Lee says they made it sound like the old front room, only opened up for very important visitors.
So once again, the rail experts have been sent away to try harder.
They've also been told to have second thoughts about their conservation plans for Newmarket's 100-year-old railway station as well.
In a flight of fancy, the rail advisers have decided the only way of retaining the heritage station in situ is to lift it up out of the deep cutting it occupies alongside the railway and suspend it - from sky-hooks perhaps - high above the action, abutting Remuera Rd.
They admit that this is likely to play havoc with one of the station's distinguishing features, its large brick chimneys. Then again, who heard of making an omelette without breaking eggs?
The century-old relic will float in the sky above a new platform reached by stairways from the road level above, the whole enveloped in a meringue-like crystal palace.
We can't show you a picture of this Jasmax-created $31.4 million confection because the Auckland Regional Transport Authority claims the "in-house animate" displayed to councillors was just "a concept tool of possibilities".
In the month of grandiose stadium proposals, it might have been wiser if the advisers had remembered the advice of Finance Minister Michael Cullen as recently as last June, when he said the Government wanted to concentrate on a "basic" rail upgrade for Auckland over the next three years, mainly through duplicating the western line and remodelling Newmarket station.
The big problem with Newmarket is that to achieve a 10-minute service frequency to both west and south, the bottleneck at this junction has to be sorted out. This is caused by the inability of trains from the city to turn right out of Parnell and head alongside Khyber Pass Rd out west. They now have to travel on to Newmarket, then reverse back out to the west.
Not only does this slow the whole system down, it results in passengers having to spend much of their trip facing the wrong way.
The planned upgrade proposes building an extra line at Newmarket, which means the reversing won't interfere with movements on the southern line. But it doesn't eliminate the reversing. The extra line also means the historic station must be removed to provide the extra space needed.
There is an alternative, though the boffins are reluctant to admit it.
A year ago, they denied that a right turn out of Parnell was possible. Now they concede it is not only possible but will have to be built and used as a temporary measure during the big Newmarket station rebuild. They even advocate a temporary second Newmarket station at Kingdon St, just off Khyber Pass Rd, when that happens.
The experts' obsession is that Newmarket remain an interchange, so passengers can leap off a southern train and on to a western one from the same platform. But with the existing Newmarket station situated south of the western turn-off, and no chance of it being relocated at that southern-western line junction, this ideal is not achievable, without falling back on the quaint reversal manoeuvre.
But would it be so difficult for those wanting to swap trains to instead walk the short distance down Khyber Pass Rd from a new Newmarket-Kingdon St Station to Newmarket-Broadway Station? In time, it might even be possible to dig an underground walkway.
The railway boffins have been sent off to try harder for a second year running. Will it be a case of third time lucky, or three strikes and you're out?
