Ask the expert: Upset by abusive colleague

By MARIE WILSON

Q: The wife of my former boss has called me a bitch twice and threatened to kick me. The trouble started since her husband - my former boss - became seriously ill. When my new boss arrived, to take the place of the woman's husband, I sent him a welcome gift. As a result this woman said I was "smooth" and once called me a "Hoover". How can I shut her up?

A: Let's take one step back to look at this from your co-worker's point of view. Her husband has become ill and lost his job; the financial and personal consequences will almost certainly be enormous. She is continuing to work, but her job has changed tremendously as well.

Her relationship with her "boss" is certainly different; her access to information, flexibility and many other things may be much less than what she previously enjoyed.

Perhaps she feels vulnerable; if the company got rid of her husband, is she next? What will they do if she is unemployed as well?

She may be silently fuming that the ways in which her husband managed are no longer being observed. And where is the only place she can let off any steam? Her husband is ill; she may not want to take workplace concerns home; and her access to other social support may be limited.

When you seem to be making sure that you are seen positively by the new boss, this may be threatening to her, and targeting you may seem lower risk - and more fun - than other options.

Even with all that, a constant exchange of small (or not so small) obscenities is not making it a pleasant place to work for either of you. The first step is to make sure that you don't engage in the same behaviour yourself; don't return the obscenities and gestures.

Second, tell her politely but firmly that you understand her situation (maybe you can even sympathise), but you are not going to tolerate this treatment.

If you are working in a larger organisation, you may want to find out if there are any support services for people who are having difficulties; many employers offer EAP (employee assistance programmes) and she might benefit from such services.

If it persists or escalates, you may have to raise it with your new boss and ask for his support in gaining a courteous working relationship with her. I'm assuming that he will already be aware of her husband's health and her difficulties, and will assist you both.

* A reader writes:

I believe your response to the service manager's problem with staff who cannot write letters missed the mark. Using spell and grammar checks on a computer is not the answer, neither are standard letters.

Prior to their appointment to the position it would have been a good idea to check their ability to perform this task by simply asking them to write a letter. This would have shown whether or not they were suitable for the job if it was one of the criteria.

I believe lack of literacy is one of the biggest problems facing many businesses. I am aware of the lack of skilled tradesmen in this country but equally aware of the failure of the education system, which for many years has sent people out into the workforce without literacy or numeracy skills.

It now falls upon the employer to teach basic skills in writing and comprehension to employees. Using spellcheck and predictive typing is just "dumbing down" the workforce.

I would suggest that educators have a serious look at the levels of literacy in the workforce and go back to the basics of the education system that I grew up with in the 50s and 60s instead of relying on Microsoft to provide a quick fix for the problem.

- Chris Collins, by email

* Marie Wilson responds:

I don't disagree, but these people are already in place and, as this person indicates, literacy is a huge issue across the workforce, and not one that's quite as recent as his letter suggests. I also did not suggest that the use of software was the only answer; I provided a series of support and performance improvement ideas.


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Dr Marie Wilson is associate professor of management at the University of Auckland Business School, research director of the ICEHOUSE business accelerator and a veteran of 20 years in corporate management and small business.