Ask the expert: No room at work for malicious e-mail messages

How do you deal with offensive e-mail messages being sent by a co-worker? Dr Marie Wilson, head of management and employment relations at University of Auckland Business School, answers your questions.

Q: A friend of mine likes her job, but is having trouble with a fellow worker in a translation service. The woman happens to be German, my friend is Canadian. If this woman takes a dislike to you, she will bombard your home computer with horrible e-mails and has made contact at work very unpleasant. And then she asks if you read her e-mails. Sounds a very aggressive attitude to me. Any suggestions?


A: Sounds very aggressive to me, as well, although it could be a result of cultural differences between the two. Any time horrible e-mails or any other disruptive communication is directed at a co-worker, it is a serious matter.

When those are also directed at home, it is even more so. Many workplaces have policies or codes of conduct that address these matters, and some larger workplaces have mediators or other services to assist with matters of harassment.

Your friend's first step is to tell her co-worker that these communications are unacceptable. Perhaps she can suggest an alternative way that she wants to resolve issues or work with this woman.

If the horrible communications continue, she will have to enlist the help of her manager or other senior managers to mediate and resolve this matter.

If there is a union or employee assistance programme, these may offer assistance as well. Finally, she can set her home (and possibly work) system to block e-mail.

Q: One of the partners in my company is having an affair with his secretary. We have all become aware of it, but it appears that his wife, with whom some of the partners socialise, has no idea and it's getting very awkward all around. Should I ignore it - and the whispering of staff - or do something?


A: Research suggests that our increasing hours of work, rising numbers of women in the workplace and changing social mores are fueling at-work romances. This type of liaison isn't particularly new, but it is potentially damaging.

To the extent that it affects company morale and performance, you have an interest and responsibility in resolving this matter. You may wish to let your other partner know that his dalliance is noted and that it is affecting work.

As a partner, he has responsibilities to the business as well. There are a number of ways he can manage his relationship with his secretary that will reduce the office disruption; perhaps you can help him to think through what these might be.

You might also bring to his attention that several colleagues do socialise with his wife, and they are concerned about her well-being.

Q: I'm new to the team leader role but I just don't have the courage to criticise people who have made errors, though that's my job.


A: A good team leader is a coach, keeping everyone focused on the goal, celebrating successes and helping members to deliver their best.

As long as you remain focused on the team outcome, coaching individual contribution is much easier.

The first thing to assess is whether team performance is being affected. If so, what does the individual do that seems to cause this result? This is what you can see; now you need to hear their side of the story.

You may not be aware of causes for their behaviour - it may be lack of skills, a misunderstanding or the result of a temporary distraction. You'll never know until you ask.

If you agree there is a problem, you'll need to agree a plan of action and follow-up regularly to make sure things are improving.

Coaching is not limited to team leaders; team expectations and support may often be even more important in improving individual and overall performance.

Q: Our production manager is a stress bunny - which production manager isn't? - and swears a lot, using swear words as nouns, verbs and adjectives as well as expletives, and it's making me very uncomfortable, as well as possibly sending a message that this is acceptable in the workplace. Because it appears to be a stress-related thing with him, I don't feel I can ask him to give it a rest. What to do?


A: If he swears that much, its not just stress-related. Although many work places are becoming less formal, there is still an expectation that managers present themselves professionally. Offensive language is explicitly banned in many workplaces.

You could select a time when he is less stressed - perhaps off-site or at the end of a day - and let him know that his swearing is making you uncomfortable. Ask him to stop or agree to a significant reduction.

Or you could point out that his language may be blocking his effectiveness as a production manager.

Third, you might tape one of his toilet tirades and - away from work - play it back to him. Few people know how they sound to others.

* Send your questions to julie_middleton@nzherald.co.nz.