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Home / New Zealand

<i>Ask the expert:</i> No proof for behaviour of boss

12 Dec, 2003 07:21 AM3 mins to read

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By MARIE WILSON

Q. My boss has a habit of saying really destructive things to me and other members of my team when we are alone with him in one-on-one meetings or casual conversations, but being almost sickly sweet when he sends email or any written memos.

He also makes promises or commitments in person, but then denies it and says if we don't have it in writing then it doesn't exist.

When we reported his actions to his supervisor, he denied it and pulled out all his emails as proof of what a sweet, reasonable guy he is.

I am at my wits' end and so are most of my staff. What can I do?

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A. You could try a group complaint to his supervisor, and to your human resources manager, if you have one. The reports of a pattern of behaviour might get more attention than just one-off complaints.

Frankly, he'll just pull all those written documents out to prove that he's a poor misunderstood nice guy, and since he is careful not to leave a paper trail, there probably isn't much his supervisor can do unless the complaints continue. However, bringing the complaints to his attention might at least make him temporarily more careful.

It takes a lot of energy to work in this kind of environment, but you can also try to change his behaviour.

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You can work on having feedback ready for him any time he acts in this way - basically pull him up whenever he says destructive things to you, and train your team members to do the same.

Do not let your discomfort with what he is saying colour your response, be matter-of-fact. There are several great books and websites on giving constructive feedback.

His behaviour is inappropriate, and you have brought this to attention before. He has denied it, so you assume he does not recognise it - you're just improving his recognition skills.

If his comments are harassing or bullying in nature, see if your organisation has support services for this.

If you have a collective agreement, your union may be able to offer support. The Employment Relations Service (www.ers.govt.nz) may also be able to offer advice and support.

In some circumstances, such as performance reviews, you may be able to bring a support person to the meeting, but if he's only like this one-on-one, avoid one-on-one meetings whenever possible.

Only agree to meetings in places where other people are present or ask for him to convey all information to you in writing.

If he makes verbal commitments, immediately email him back to confirm what he has said.

If he makes destructive comments, immediately email him back with direct quotes and why you think they were inappropriate. He may start to modify his spoken conduct to match his written communication, which would be a relief to all concerned.

Alternatively, he may continue to act badly, but at least you will now have increasing evidence to get the attention of his supervisor and ask for assistance in modifying this destructive behaviour before it can really harm the business.

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