Ask the expert: Leave to care for ill relative fraught

Taking time off work to look after a sick relation can pose problems unless handled very delicately. DR MARIE WILSON, head of management and employment relations at the University of Auckland Business School and a veteran of 20 years in corporate management and small business, offers some helpful ideas.

Q: A member of my immediate family is terminally ill. I want to care for that person in their last weeks and months, even if it means putting my career on hold. That's okay, but I'm worried that if I ask for an unspecified period of leave it will jeopardise my job (in finance). What rights do I have in this area or is it a matter of negotiating or pleading?

A: Sick leave includes care for a family member, but the legal minimum, if you don't have any greater entitlement by contract, is only five days. The timing of annual leave is at the discretion of the employer.

This puts you pretty quickly into the realm of asking for leave without pay, which is definitely a matter of negotiation.

Try to think of it from your employer's point of view: what are they going to be concerned about? If it is needing someone to do specific work, can this be contracted out or deferred?

If it is the open-endedness of the leave, can you agree on a series of specific periods and a review process with criteria to make sure that it is working for both sides of the arrangement?

If it is continuity of knowledge, can you be "on tap" for questions?

You might consider asking for a reduction to part-time and/or telecommuting to maintain continuity with your work and career. This would also provide another anchor during a period of tremendous change for you.

And don't forget that you may not feel like bouncing back to work for a while after this period of care: you will need care and respite yourself as well.

Q: I've got a friend who is completely stressing out about her work - it appears that the current project is getting on top of her - and often when she does talk about work, bursts into tears. It's hard to know what to do without interfering - and I don't really grasp what life is like in her office, even though I am trying. Advice?

A: You're right to be concerned: people can drive themselves right off the edge in terms of health and performance when stress gets to this stage.

You're actually helping her just by listening, but you can help her even more by asking her clear questions that may help her to get back on top of her project.

The first question to ask is whether she can negotiate project deadlines to make it more realistic for her to complete.

The second is what problems has she encountered and are there sources of support to help her deal with those problems? Can she call on others to help her with specific aspects?

Those in overload seldom have the clarity to see what their real problems are and what help may be available.

If the problem is mostly time and interruptions, she might be encouraged to restructure the work slightly. When the work is really overwhelming the tendency is to throw lots of hours at the problem.

A better solution may be to identify days (say, two a week) when you "pour it on" until the wee hours and other days that proceed at a normal pace. She'll actually get more and better, quality work done than the constant overtime approach.

* E-mail your questions for Dr Marie Wilson to answer.