Ask the expert: Confess, or fox watsername

What on earth do you do when a lapse of memory drops you into a potentially highly embarrassing social position? Dr MARIE WILSON, head of management and employment relations at the University of Auckland Business School and a veteran of 20 years in corporate management and small business, offers some helpful ideas.

Q: You are at a function and bump into an old colleague whose name has slipped your memory, but you really should remember it - you worked with her for two years and now she is an important business person.

You chat away, talking about her partner and family, all of whose names you remember, then - horror, your wife approaches and you know you will have to introduce her to the former colleague.

What do you do? How can you save face in such situations? Can you also point me to any other current etiquette books or websites?

A: You can do one of two things: confess or employ finesse. If you elect to be honest, admit your embarrassment and state that you remember everything but the most important bit, her name.

Perhaps you can blame it on the wine, the time, or your age and memory. If you want to use finesse, turn to your colleague and remark "Here comes my wife. Have you met? Why don't the two of you introduce yourselves while I freshen our drinks."

Get their drink orders and depart slowly enough to overhear the intros, and you're saved.

On managing this type of etiquette, I'd recommend Judith Martin's guides to "excruciatingly correct behaviour" as both humorous and comprehensive. You might also consider Tony Buzan's books on mindpower and memory.

Q: After a couple of glasses of wine at lunchtime, I nodded off during the chairman's closing speech at a conference. Worse still, he spotted me and woke me up publicly, making a few jokes at my expense.

Everyone else cracked up. I am the sort who can take the mickey out of myself, but I feel I need to apologise because I have been pretty rude.

So how to apologise - in writing or in person?

A: You fell asleep in person, so you should apologise in person. You'll want to let him know it was the wine, not the content of his speech.

Don't use this as an opportunity for humour. Let him know you take it seriously. Apologising in person recognises the seriousness with which you regard the issue, and it also allows you to judge how offended the chairman was at your lapse.

Q: I am a qualified accounting and economics teacher aged 37, and I want to get out of teaching. I have applied for a lot of jobs and had no luck.

I have decided to enrol for a Bachelor of Business degree at Massey - I get the idea that being a teacher does not make you employable in the private sector.

Is there any advice you can offer to give me a better chance of getting a job in the private sector?

A: Your idea that your teaching experience doesn't count in the private sector may be untrue.

Think of all the skills you've developed in coaching, training, management of activities and groups, dealing with difficult parents, students and peers, as well as your knowledge of accounting and economics.

You should be able to present a great portfolio of people skills and technical knowledge. In addition to your present studies, I would suggest you rethink your CV to emphasise your skills and achievements rather than just your teaching experience and education.

You might also check with the Institute of Chartered Accountants to see what additional course work you would need to gain membership. If you don't want to practice as an accountant, you might look for a support role in training, development or administration in a larger accounting firm where your knowledge base could be very valuable.