Ask the expert: Brush-off may not be what it seems

I started a new job a few months back and have recently made the acquaintance of another female colleague who has been on extended leave overseas.

It took me weeks to catch her attention and introduce myself - she'd walk past my desk as if I was invisible - and when I did get her attention, she just wouldn't meet my eye. Her gaze kept sliding away.

I find it really odd, but I've got no idea what to do about it. I wonder if maybe she sees me as competition and is literally blanking me out.

I also wonder if someone has bad-mouthed me.

How does your colleague treat others? Perhaps she is shy, or uncomfortable with newcomers.

Not meeting your gaze or engaging with you may also reflect a variety of issues that have nothing to do with competition.

Some individuals and cultures see a direct gaze as a challenge and may avert their eyes out of respect.

Your colleague also may not feel that she has a social connection with you, or a reason to interact, and may assume that you wish to be left alone to do your work.

If you want more contact, observe good communication principles and make sure that you approach your colleague at a time when she can speak, perhaps asking to get to know her better over lunch or a coffee.

Make sure that you are both at the same level of seating.

If she is shy she might be more comfortable sitting around the corner of a table rather than directly across from you.

Finally, sensitive communicators mirror the communication patterns of others to allow the other person to express himself or herself comfortably.

If she averts her gaze, do the same.

I am Sri Lankan and we migrated to New Zealand two years ago.

My daughter got qualified to enter Auckland University to do a bachelor of commerce degree.

She is thinking of doing a double major in finance and commercial law.

But we don't want her to spend four years in university and come out with a degree that will not help her to find a good job.

Therefore, choosing the correct majors is very crucial at this stage.

My daughter is quite good in her studies and hard-working, and, given the correct guidance, will do well.

She is thinking about doing IT as a conjoint at a later stage.

How do we select the best majors for the job market?

Given a career track of 45 or more years - which research suggests will contain seven to 10 careers and require continuous professional development and retraining - you can't expect your daughter's choice of major in her commerce degree to resolve all of her job issues.

If she has yet to begin her degree, her exposure to a variety of topics in her first year might shift her direction in any event.

A double major in her degree may still be attained in three years, and she could pursue honours, a specialist diploma or a conjoint if she wishes to enhance her early career prospects.

Her current choice of commercial law and finance seems a reasonable one, as it will provide a balanced development of her verbal and reasoning abilities as well as numerical and IT skills.

If she does well, and pays attention to the development of her communication and teamwork skills along the way, she should have good job prospects on graduation.

After her second and third years of study, she might also want to pursue relevant summer work experience to boost her employability.

Rather than pushing a particular major, your daughter would be well advised to pursue areas that she enjoys and excels in, while pursuing skill development and experience that will make her a well-rounded graduate.