Yesterday was a hard but good day for Hugh McGahan. It means, he says, he can now look forward again, begin to rebuild his business and prove his character.
The recipient of an MBE and former captain of the national league team was sentenced to community work for his part in a $2 million fraud operated by former Kiwi teammate Brent Todd and Todd's business partner, Stanley Wijeyaratne.
In a shaky voice, McGahan read a statement to media on the court steps. He later told the Herald the rush of feelings caught him by surprise.
"Usually it's stock standard - you say what you need to say. There was five years of emotion that came out. Not just me but my family. I have felt sorry for my family going through this but they understand where I am [at] and they love me for who I am.
"I made a mistake and I needed to own up and I have owned up. Even though it's taken five years to get to this [day]."
The sentencing judge accepted that McGahan was remorseful and said he might not have realised the full extent of the conspiracy.
McGahan blames his downfall on naivete and being brought up "to trust those who say they will do right by you".
"The biggest [mistake] was trusting someone who I thought was a mate [Todd]."
But, he says, he accepts that his own failure led to his conviction. "I didn't investigate enough. I didn't ask relevant questions..."
McGahan signed some of the fake invoices put through his company whereby Todd and Wijeyaratne claimed back half the poker machine grants advanced to North Harbour Rugby Football Union and Touch New Zealand.
The invoices related to fictional services but McGahan says he did not suspect as he had been told by "officials at North Harbour that ... Todd did work for North Harbour and they owed Todd money".
"When the CEO, director and chairman tell you it's all okay, you tend to believe it."
McGahan received a cut of the money siphoned off.
Might the prospect of easy money have dissuaded him from proper scrutiny?
He acknowledges his business was young and that "it was easy money for doing nothing other than writing some invoices", but is firm that it was his willingness to trust the word of others that let him down.
He had planned to defend the charges but that changed when he saw the statements of people who pleaded guilty. "I realised what was going on in the background and I realised what I had been led to believe wasn't correct."
He feels he has made amends through his acknowledgments, guilty plea and reparation to North Harbour Rugby (whether, or how much, reparation is owed to Touch NZ is not clear).
"I've paid my dues now. There is no one I couldn't face in relation to this. I don't have to hide from anything or from anyone."
His biggest hope, he says, is that his children, sons aged 20, 18 and 16, and other young people he is close to learn from his experience.
The lesson he will pass on, he says, is "not everything is what you think".
Hugh McGahan vows to rebuild trust
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