How to get SACKED in 10 easy steps

By ASHLEY CAMPBELL

There has been a fair bit of change in employment law recently - hardly has one body of case law been established than it's time for a new one.

So, with the help of Marie Koreman, senior manager human capital with Ernst & Young, Career presents this guide for confused employees.

We were going to call it "10 ways to get sacked on the spot" but Koreman pointed out it's pretty hard to get sacked on the spot these days.

Even if you're found with your hand in the till your employer must ask you to explain, investigate what happened and consider your explanation before showing you the door. That could take a day or two. But try some of the following - they could have you emptying your drawers tomorrow.

1. Lie to, steal from or defraud your employer

It's a no-brainer: if you're caught fiddling the expenses or faking deals that bring the bank down, you're unlikely to have a job next week.

And if your CV is as realistic as John Davy's you'd better start updating it once your boss finds out.

But surely you can't be sacked for making toll calls from work or helping yourself to a salad in the kitchen? Well, yes, you can.

Companies can be as unforgiving as they want over theft and dishonesty, but they must make that policy known and apply it consistently.

If the policy is locked in a filing cabinet and no one told you about it, the Employment Relations Authority may not take kindly to your being sacked. Likewise if colleagues were making toll calls or sneaking salads and getting away with it.

And lying about your experience and qualifications is sackable only if it's relevant to your job - hiding a fraud conviction when you are applying to work in a bank, for example. Pretending you got an A+ in School Cert art when you manage a steel foundry isn't in the same league.

2. Assault, punch, hit or push anyone on the job

If that smarmy git from sales is really annoying you, hitting him will do it (avoid this if you're not comfortable with an assault conviction).

But, says Koreman, when deciding whether a dismissal for violence is justified, the courts will consider the other person's behaviour - provocation could be a defence.

On the other hand, you don't need to be violent - just threatening violence may be enough. If your threat is credible and the other person is scared, start job hunting.

3. Say "no" to your boss

Your boss can sometimes ask you to do something outside your normal job description - as long as it's legal, you can do it safely and you are adequately supervised if necessary. Refuse pointblank and empty your desk.

Likewise swearing at or assaulting your boss will get you out pretty quickly - unless he or she did the same to you. And slagging off your employer in public (genuine whistleblowers following the correct procedure excepted) is a surefire way to change your occupation.

4. Misuse email and/or the internet

As Koreman says, anyone who visits pornographic websites at work and thinks they can get away with it "isn't in touch with reality". Employers don't need a policy banning it - you can safely assume it's a sackable offence.

If pornography isn't your thing, spend half the day surfing the net - you could be dismissed for wasting company time - or spread email rumours about an affair between a partner and his secretary.

Using foul language in emails isn't a sure bet (but see harassment, below) if that language is common at work. It might work for a childcare worker, but journalists and freezing workers should try something else.

5. Break the rules

If your workplace rules say you can't turn up under the influence of alcohol or drugs and you do so, start packing your bags.

Likewise phone calls, taking company cars home ... any reasonable rule you care to think of.

Of course, if your employer hasn't made you aware of these rules or doesn't apply them consistently it probably won't work - especially if you're a new young employee with no previous knowledge of what might be unacceptable workplace behaviour.

6. Behave badly out of work

What you do at home is none of your employer's business, right? Wrong.

If it contradicts your employer's values and is likely to cause problems should clients or the public find out, you may be not long for this job.

In 1998, the Warehouse sacked a more-than-competent manager who was convicted on child pornography charges. The Warehouse said his behaviour was incompatible with its much-vaunted family values. The Employment Court agreed.

7. Harass a workmate

Koreman puts it well: "You would have to have been a recluse for the past 20 years to not know that patting other workers' bottoms, displaying pornography at work, coercing employees into sexual relationships and making overtly racist comments to customers or colleagues all constitute harassment for which you should get the sack." And that applies to email as well.

What people consider harassment varies, so you could even be sacked without trying. You may think you have friendly banter going with workmates, but they may be too uncomfortable to let you know otherwise. Or the new employee may not share your "sense of humour".

8. Do your job badly

You'd think this was the easiest way to get sacked, but it's not.

"To sack you for poor performance, the employer must clearly communicate performance expectations to you, preferably have reference to a well-constructed position description, tell you if they believe you are underperforming, be clear about what you need to do to meet their expectations, provide you with adequate training to help you improve and allow adequate time for improvement," says Koreman. Whew!

The process required, and many managers' aversion to conflict, means you're more likely to be sidelined than sacked for poor performance.

But if your boss is a stickler for procedure who enjoys conflict, it might just work.

9. Antagonise your colleagues and clients

You read it here, folks: you can be sacked for not getting on with your colleagues.

"Be deliberately unpleasant, hard to get along with, give colleagues the cold shoulder, refuse to share information or attend meetings with them and your employer could justifiably dismiss you," says Koreman. And that applies to clients as well.

This one could take a while to play out - your employer will have to show it tried to solve the conflict, through coaching, communication training or whatever was needed and that you were still impossible to get along with before it can show you the door.

10. Get romantically involved with a superior, direct report or competitor

We can't guarantee it, but if all else fails this could be worth a try.

The Human Rights Act prohibits employers from discriminating on the grounds of marital status except when someone is "living in a relationship in the nature of marriage with, or who is a relative of, another employee if: there would be a reporting relationship between them; there is a risk of collusion between them to the detriment of the employer". It says much the same thing about relationships with competitors' employees.

This hasn't been tested in our courts yet, but Koreman suggests it's most likely to apply to management and
the subordinate employee is most likely to be sacked.



So you've taken our advice and are on the verge of being shown the door. What if you get cold feet? All is not lost.

"Don't go on the offensive," says Koreman. "The three best things you can do are admit you were wrong, apologise and ask the employer to help you to not repeat the action, or improve.

"Don't lie: nothing is more likely to guarantee your dismissal than doing something wrong and then lying about it.

"If you deny your action and it is found you really did do it, you have added dishonesty to your list of misdemeanours."