The new coalition Government is livening up lots of dinner party conversations. Photo / Mark Mitchell
The new coalition Government is livening up lots of dinner party conversations. Photo / Mark Mitchell
The coalition is sparking plenty of debate. Can you keep it friendly?
We're not at 1981 Springbok Tour levels.
But many dinner parties have been hijacked, the Herald on Sunday has been told, and social media has, predictably, lit up with post-election virtual flame-throwing as the country comes to grips with a change in power.
Labour and New Zealand First have formed a coalition Government, with confidence and supply support from the Greens, knocking National into Opposition for the first time in nine years.
But the close-run election result and unprecedented coalition arrangement have proved divisive for some.
Despite our disappointment or joy, we still have to get along and get on with things.
Christchurch clinical psychologist Richard Wheeler said people should make a conscious decision over whether to take part in political discussions.
"If you're going to get into an argument, pick the argument. Make sure it's worth it. What's more important - the love of family or the family dynamic, or my belief in politics?
It was also worth recognising serious agitation about the political situation could be concealing other fears or issues, and counselling could help, he said.
"Generous conversations" are best when discussing politics, life coach and Herald columnist Louise Thompson says. Photo / Ted Baghurst
Life coach and Herald columnist Louise Thompson said sometimes the answer was simply to agree to disagree and move on.
"Friends and family relationships are for life and the next Government is for three years. So, step back and look at the big picture - is this worth falling out over? Probably not."
However, she also advocated for "generous conversations".
"[This is] where you are asking questions and really listening to the other person's point of view, rather than just waiting for a gap to steam in and argue your point of view.
"Can you be curious and see a new perspective even if it's one you don't agree with? Bringing your curiosity rather than judgment to the table can be very powerful."
Politics-related distress and disagreements were something she saw more with her American clients, Thompson said.
"The change in president has been so deeply polarising that some family members are no longer talking. I think we Kiwis are so pragmatic, we roll with life and as a nation we tend to the positive and look for the best so I think these qualities serve us well in these sorts of situations."
Focusing on what you could control and change helped - either in the political world, by volunteering for a party, or personally, by managing your finances or exercise routines.
"When we choose to focus on what we can change, even if that is on a local or personal level, rather than national, we will feel empowered and proactive."
Social media had played a part in increasing our awareness of each other's political leanings, as many people were much more open about their loyalties, Thompson said.
Political commentator Bryce Edwards welcomes the increased openness of Kiwis over their political allegiances. File photo / Richard Robinson
That's not a bad thing, nor is the more visible fire in the collective Kiwi belly, political commentator Bryce Edwards said.
For too long, most Kiwis have hidden their political passions.
We don't say who we vote for, we're too quick to consensus, we avoid conflict, Edwards said.
Edwards has been pleasantly surprised to hear political discussion on the street and cafes, a new experience - and a good one.
"I would celebrate the fact there are ongoing political arguments and debates about the outcome. It's healthy."
These are interesting times politically, Edwards said.
"Generally politics is more polarised, more relevant to people and more people are interested than ever before.
"The past few decades has been about technocratic [issues], such as the size of the fiscal deficit. Now it's about [more easily relatable] details, big picture things ... poverty, housing.
"People are getting more and more animated. Politics is aggravating them in ways I don't think it has in recent times ... to me, politics has returned."
TALKING POLITICS: HOW TO KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIPS INTACT
* Take a breath - is winning this argument more important than having a good relationship with those you care about? If not, let it go.
* If you do engage, be curious rather than judgmental. Ask questions. Listen.
* Focus on what you can control and change - such as volunteering for a political party or seeking local body office. Or, outside of politics, by managing your finances, exercise and whom you communicate with.
* If you are really agitated about the political situation, recognise that other fears or issues may be at the root of your distress. Consider seeking help.
