Rob Rattenbury: It still takes a village of mentors to shape our lives

All sorts of mentors help us navigate life, writes Rob Rattenbury. Photo / 123RF

OPINION

I’ve been sitting and writing a small personal tribute to an aunty who is no longer with us.

A private few words on a family group about our beloved relative who meant so much to us all and who changed the lives of many who met her. A successful single woman.

It was a reflection of my memories from childhood right through to her death 14 years ago. She was a huge influence for good on my siblings, cousins and myself.

It got me thinking about the people who shape us as we grow from babies to adults. Parents of course, that goes without saying. But it’s much bigger than that.

‘Oran a azu wa’ is a Nigerian saying from the Igbo culture that loosely translates to that well-known proverb “it takes a village to raise a child”.

Such a true saying when placed into the perspective of extended family and the people around children who influence them for good or bad as they grow.

We can all remember those teachers, the odd one or two, who managed to strike a chord with us as schoolchildren, who saw us for what we really were. Deeply perceptive and committed teachers who were devoted to educating young minds in preparation for adulthood.

Some of us went through life lucky. We went to good schools and mostly had very good teachers, but we still had those one or two who got us. Who maybe even actually took a shine to us.

Maybe that was not the case for many children but if you still ask them as adults who made a difference to them in a positive way as children most would name a teacher or maybe a sports coach.

Of course, aunties and uncles also figure in the upbringing of many children. Those kind adults who are just around much of the time. Some who are really fun and others who may be a bit aloof and serious but still there filling the background of a childhood.

Amongst those adults of course there will be neighbours, friends of parents, early employers while a child may still be at school, youth organisation leaders and influential people in one’s faith.

All combine with unnamed others to give children an example or an amalgam of what it is to be a good person. Or often what it is to be a bad person, sadly.

Our children grew up in our beautiful city, went to school here and were taught by, in our opinion, very good teachers without exception.

People who, like us, chose Whanganui to be a place to raise their own families and live their lives. Some who made a choice to bring their undoubted talent and skills to a small provincial city instead of to greater things elsewhere.

In other areas of life our children saw positive adult role models not related to them.

Sports coaches, some well-known on the world scene, drama teachers, brownie and cub leaders, dedicated, patient people working with highly energetic children, devoting much of their own spare time to introduce children to a positive experience that would last a life time and perhaps instill some good habits and values in the process.

Thousands of other children in our town had similar experiences, growing up well-balanced rounded people to often leave Whanganui for higher education or a career, many making their way back here in later life with their own families remembering their own positive childhoods here.

Parents on their own do not alone have to make a child a good person as an adult, a person who can make a decent life for themselves and, in turn, their family or others if that is their choice. They need the support of others and the children need the influence of other adults to learn what is good and definitely what is bad.

Even in our modern distant society, way different from the villages of old, others help parents raise their children without often even being aware of it .

It is the same later in life. We all find mentors in adult life, people who may or may not be friends but become huge influences for good upon us and our chosen life paths.

Employers, supervisors, sports coaches and business leaders. The list is endless of people who either on purpose or without knowing it act as mentors to other adults.

I still have mentors, including people who are younger than me, who have qualities and skills I admire.

They can still teach this old dog new tricks. I’ll include those young techno-savvy people who work in appliance stores and who patiently help an old fellow work out how to use his new phone or television. They are invariably kind and helpful, always smiling indulgently.