How dumb do you think we are?

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There's a series of books out there called the For Dummies series - as in, Philosophy For Dummies or World History For Dummies and so forth.

I'm pretty sure we have a couple around the house somewhere - given that there are 150-million of the suckers in print, it would be a surprise if we didn't.

But it wasn't until my Beloved thrust The Complete Listing For Dummies catalogue under my nose and said "check this out" that I came to realise how many dummies there are out there and how much help is on hand for them on just about every conceivable - and some rather inconceivable - subject.

Now I just want to state for the record here that I have nothing against dummies. Nor would I ever claim intellectual superiority over anyone else. In fact, for the most part I am very much one of the dummies of this world.

Everything I don't know about pretty much everything is enough to fill, well, a whole library of For Dummies books. And I do know that the For Dummies genre exists for lay people all over the world looking to expand their interests in a certain area.

I mean, it's not likely that the last thing you'll see as the anaesthetic takes hold is the entire surgical team huddled over a copy of Cardiothoracic Surgery For Dummies. Mind you, having said that; and with the state of the health system and everything ...

The For Dummies series started, so the catalogue helpfully tells me, with DOS For Dummies. In other words it was an attempt to explain the inexplicable to people like me, whose brains freeze over when their computers do stuff they shouldn't and the default response of turning it off and turning it back on again has failed to work.

And many of the For Dummies books in existence today are about things that immediately induce a coma in me: HTML, XHTML & CSS All-in-one Desk Reference For Dummies anyone? I don't know about you, but I was already thinking about clouds and fluffy bunnies before I got to the ML after the first HT.

But the For Dummies oeuvre has gone far, far beyond such riveting things as HTML and out into a whole new universe of possibilities - so there is a little something there for even the dumbest of dummies.

Paper Engineering And Pop-ups For Dummies; Swing Trading For Dummies (whatever swing trading is - possibly something only done between consenting adults, maybe); Banjo For Dummies and the list goes on.

Some of these titles I'm not entirely sure why you need a For Dummies book on the subject. Australia's Dangerous Creatures For Dummies, for example, is one I don't quite get. What more do you need to know than "treat every crawling, flying, slithering or swimming thing in Australia as potentially lethal and you'll be right.

In fact it's best not to touch any form of animal life whilst in Australia". And if you do happen to get bitten by something Australian, it's a bit late then to read a For Dummies book on the subject, don't you think? But I do love the way some of the For Dummies books are remarkably specific in their subject matter. My favourite one of these is Retired Racing Greyhounds For Dummies.

As far as I can tell there isn't a Racing Greyhounds For Dummies volume, just the one telling you what to do with them when they're not running round a track chasing a mechanical rabbit anymore. Does it suggest maybe that they get together with other retired greyhounds so they can tell lies to each other about the mechanical rabbits they almost caught?

But if I may throw some criticism the way of the For Dummies publishers, I do think Boosting Self-esteem For Dummies is a title that could do with a change of title. The thought of the "poor you" look from the sales assistant when you hand that particular volume over for purchase is almost too heart-breaking to comprehend, especially when you'd have to bet that the purchaser probably went through a living hell deciding whether or not to buy the bloody thing. They should probably write a companion volume of Dealing With Stress And Anxiety In Shopping Situations For Dummies and throw it in as a free copy in a 2-for-1 deal just, you know, to make you feel better about yourself.

But, as a bit of a dummy myself, I'm generally down with the whole concept of the For Dummies thing. I think they're on to something here, so I'm just going to throw a potential title at them and let them get on with their work. And my potential title, I'd like to see in next year's catalogue is: If Dumb Is Spelled With A Silent B, Why Does Dummies Have No B In It Then? And Where Did That Extra M Come From Eh? For Dummies.