But, this year, I'm not making resolutions for myself. I'm making resolutions for everyone else.
It's not that I'm perfect. I accept that if I made a few changes here and there I would improve my life. It's just that, if you make a few changes, it'd improve my life a whole more.
So, here are your New Year's resolutions.
Never again use Snoopy's Christmas as your go-to festive song. I realise the virgin birth and the notion of a fat man flying through the air on a sleigh undermine the plausibility of Christmas, but have you read the lyrics of that song? It features a dog flying a fighter jet during World War I. Say no more.
Supermarkets must immediately stop selling individual bananas in plastic wrapping. Bananas have their own wrapping.
Unless customers have taken to consuming the banana's skin as well, there's no need to double bag.
In fact, the general overuse of plastic needs to stop. I find myself over-cramming my groceries into as few supermarket bags as possible, just to assuage my guilt over killing the planet.
Yet corporates are as carefree as a nudist colony. When I say the chippies bag is massive but only half full, you know who I'm talking about. Those people need to either fill the bag up, or use half the packaging.
Wash the kitchen cloth after you use it. If you leave it lying in a puddle of its own dirty water and unidentified morsels of food, it feels to the rest of us as if we have put our hand in someone's vomit.
If your job is designing office layouts for businesses, stop trying to force this newfangled concept of paperless offices on us.
Yes, making us walk the length of the office to use the printer does discourage the use of paper. It also discourages us from finishing that job.
Yes, taking away the rubbish bin at our desks discourages the use of paper. It also discourages us from walking the length of the office - again - to throw our single banana skin away. That's why it's lying on the ground at our feet.
Be kind to the All Blacks if they lose a game or two. Now that Richie and Dan are gone, 2016 might not be as good for them as this year was. Remember, a loss feels worse for them than it does for us.
Don't let the Prime Minister on music radio stations in the morning. Mariah Carey has taken out a law suit alleging crimes against her Christmas classic, the cleaners at Premiere House are striking against scrubbing the shower and the country's chickens are refusing to be fed.
Stand up to Australia when it tries to bully us, sell your Auckland house and become a millionaire somewhere else, don't call anyone a hua, don't paint your face black for a dress-up party and don't wear a ponytail near John Key.
But my most important resolution for you is one I've stolen directly from Oprah's show. She remarked on how lucky we are to live here.
Let's remember that. We're thousands of kilometres away from the upheaval in the rest of the world. We live in a beautiful country.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
