But there is a conspiracy theory going around that Seymour actually can dance. Seymour has lowered our collective expectations for weeks, telling us about his two left feet and his inability to step through dance routine number three. The rumour has it that he is about to carve up that floor.
I hope he does, because otherwise, he's made a terrible decision to dance on this show.
You see, the sub plot here is that Seymour isn't just dancing for his charity or his health or even his appetite for attention. Seymour is dancing for his party's political survival.
The Act leader figures that any profile is good profile and he knows he'll get plenty of eyeballs on DWTS. It worked for his predecessor Rodney Hide, who lifted the party from two to five MPs shortly after his own stint on the show. Correlation? Personally not convinced.
Still, Seymour has had a go at being the serious politician and it hasn't worked for him. He wrote a book in the lead up to last year's election. It's sitting in my bookshelf unread. It's a pity, because that tome sucked up many evenings and weekends of the man's time.
And despite all the effort writing, stuffing envelopes, knocking on doors, talking about charter schools and euthanasia legislation, Act netted a sad 13,075 votes at the last election. Many electorate MPs got more than that as individuals.
The Act Party's been on a sad decline for a long time. And its prospects at the next election are even sadder. There are whispers that the National Party may not throw Seymour the Epsom electorate seat in 2020. He still sounds confident that he can win it, but others are not so sure. In any case, it's another hurdle he doesn't need while trying to save Act.
Before we get there, Seymour has got a few ideas up his sleeve. He's planning a rebrand, aiming at August. Forget Act. He might be the leader of the Liberals next election. That's one name being touted. It's a cool brand. It's the name of the party Canada's cool guy Justin Trudeau leads.
Seymour's been to Germany to learn from the FDP.
And he's going to dance.
But, in order for the dancing to work, he needs to dance his socks off. He needs to make sure he's not the Man Who Can't Dance.
Because the Man Who Can't Dance is a goof. If there's one thing that's dogging David Seymour right now, it's that for all his attempts at being a Serious Politician, he's actually better known for being a Goofy Politician. Think 'The French love the coq'. Google Imagine him. In many photos, his face is very acrobatic, which is a nice way of saying he looks really goofy.
So DWTS is a high-risk decision. A lot could be riding on whether David can dance.
