Great Minds: Single mum and essential worker Sharon Grinter shares her mental health journey

"Why me?"

This is one question Sharon Grinter has often asked herself in the past two years.

The single mum and Pak'nSave merchandiser is sharing her story as part of Great Minds, a major NZME project, exploring the growing impact of mental health and anxiety on Kiwis and how we can improve our wellbeing, launched yesterday.

As well as investigative reporting on the state of our mental health services and the effect of the pandemic on New Zealanders of all walks of life, we will share personal stories, interactive features and wellbeing ideas to help our readers as we emerge from Covid and Omicron.

The project comes as new research shows the number of New Zealanders struggling with mental health problems rose sharply during the Covid-19 outbreak, prompting calls from leading health figures for an urgent national recovery plan.

Polling for the Mental Health Foundation found 36 per cent of people surveyed were experiencing poor emotional wellbeing, up from 27 per cent a year ago.

Single mum and essential worker Sharon Grinter hopes her story will encourage others to seek the help they need. Photo / Andrew Warner

Sharon Grinter was struggling with depression before the Covid-19 pandemic reached New Zealand.

At her lowest, Grinter had contemplated taking her own life.

But after seeking help and being put on medication, Grinter said she had been feeling better.

"In January 2020, I was doing really good," Grinter told the Rotorua Daily Post Weekend.

"I had planned a five-week vacation with my two daughters."

Grinter remembered being excited to go on a cruise, her first "decent" holiday in three years.

"We were buying new suitcases ... I was feeling really good. I felt like I was coming out of a black hole."

Grinter said when she first heard of Covid-19 cases in China, she wasn't sure what was going on.

"There wasn't a lot of information I could understand. It was quite confusing."

Grinter said the pandemic hit home on her daughter's 17th birthday.

"It was a Friday. We were a month out from our vacation and the cruise was cancelled."

Grinter greeted the bad news with tears.

"It was a bad day at work. I was a single parent. I had saved the money to take my kids overseas and it was like the carpet was pulled out from underneath me."

While Grinter's travel costs were later reimbursed, she said she would never get back the hours she had worked to make the trip possible.

"It was all downhill from there."

Worries about her children and parents were constantly crowding the back of her mind.

"My daughter had to come back from the navy. My dad had had quadruple bypass surgery," Grinter said tearfully.

"My family means a lot to me. I couldn't live without them."

Sharon Grinter (left) says her daughters Chelsie (right) and Zara are her reasons for living. Photo / Supplied

Grinter said the worst part of the pandemic was not being able to support her parents in Pāpāmoa.

"That was my biggest stress."

Mother's Day 2020 was particularly difficult for Grinter.

"My friend brought them flowers and chocolates and video called me.

"That was the first time I'd seen my parents and I couldn't hug them. That was really hard."

Grinter said being a frontline essential worker did not help the situation.

"I was struggling. I'd just want to get to work early so I could get home again."

Grinter remembered working long hours in the whole-food department, making bags of products so the public could make contactless purchases.

"I was being bombarded with messages. I got sick and run down.

"I went to work at 7.30pm with my daughter to start bagging and left at 1.30 the next morning. I think I only slept a couple of hours."

Love for here family has kept Grinter going.

"I know too many people who have committed suicide over the years," Grinter said.

"I've thought about it. My kids are the reason why I don't. I don't want to hurt them."

Despite her difficulties, the past two years have taught Grinter to value her life.

"Things can get better," Grinter said.

"My mantra is, 'Keep moving forward. Don't look back because you're not going there.' "

Grinter said her medication was helping her. She also found talking about her "mind health" with people who love her also helped.

"I've talked about my mind health with my parents, kids and friends.

"One of my friends would check in every day to make sure I was okay."

Exercise also helped Grinter to get through.

"I'll go out walking, keep boot camp going. I smile. I smile so people wonder what I'm smiling about."

Of course, Grinter still has bad days.

"I'm emotionally overwhelmed today. My car's gone to get fixed. I feel down. But I wanted to talk about it. I have to admit it to people."

Sharon Grinter said her family and friends helped her to keep going. Photo / Andrew Warner

She has always wanted to help people.

"I would like to help people with their mind health. I'm a great listener even if I'm hopeless at asking for help."

Grinter wanted to share her story so that others feel they can talk about their bad days too.

"I don't think there'll ever be a cure for [depression]. I think the biggest thing is just down to talking about it."

Her advice to the public is to "be nice".

"If you see someone who looks like they're having a hard time, ask if they're okay. Ask them how you can help.

"It can be easy as asking, 'How are you'? You don't have to say anything else."

These days, when the question, "Why me?" comes to Grinter's mind, her answer is:

"Well at least if it's bothering me, it isn't bothering anyone else."

Victoria University Wellington School of Psychology clinical practice manager Dr Dougal Sutherland. Photo / Supplied

Victoria University Wellington School of Psychology clinical practice manager Dr Dougal Sutherland said it was important for people experiencing mental health difficulties to reach out "as often and early as possible".

"Anxiety and depression can make you feel isolated even when you're not, and breaking out of that bubble to make connections with other people is really helpful."

Sutherland said higher levels of stress were normal responses to naturally stressful events like the pandemic lockdowns.

"People generally went back to how they were beforehand, but if your level of distress continued then it would be time to seek help and advice."

Sutherland said people with a history of mental health difficulties tended to experience the lockdowns as "triggering" events.

"They might be slipping back and if that's the good time to get on top of it early.

"Reaching out communicates to the people who are around you that things might not be great.

"Unfortunately, we can't read minds and those who care about us won't know to help unless we tell them."

Where to get help
If it is an emergency and you feel you or someone else is at risk, call 111.

For counselling and support
Lifeline: Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP)
Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
Need to talk?
Call or text 1737
Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202

For children and young people
Youthline: Call 0800 376 633 or text 234
What's Up: Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm)
The Lowdown: Text 5626 or webchat

For help with specific issues
Alcohol and Drug Helpline: Call 0800 787 797
Anxiety Helpline: Call 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)
OutLine: Call 0800 688 5463 (0800 OUTLINE) (6pm-9pm)
Safe to talk (sexual harm): Call 0800 044 334 or text 4334

All services are free and available 24/7 unless otherwise specified.
For more information and support, talk to your local doctor, hauora, community mental health team, or counselling service.