Herald columnist and Radio Hauraki breakfast host Matt Heath is taking on a new role as Happiness Editor for our Great Minds mental health project. He will share his own insights in his search for wellbeing as well as interviews with international experts in the field.
Professor Scott Galloway describes "Zuckerberg as the most dangerous person on earth". He believes social media is doing terrible damage to our mental health but admits the solutions aren't easy. As he says 'Anyone who thinks they can keep kids off social media doesn't have kids'. Galloway is a self-made tech multi-millionaire, a professor at Stern, superstar podcaster, best-selling author, Silicon Valley analyst and board member of huge companies. He also talks, writes and cares a lot about happiness. I'm a big fan. When I zoom Prof G, I find him sitting by the pool of his Florida mansion. He's friendly, funny and super smart. I leave the chat feeling elated. Listening back, I was a stuttering fool. Luckily I have the power to edit my star-struck ramblings. Full disclosure, I didn't ask these questions as clearly as they're presented here.
Prof G, what is social media doing to us?
Since social media went mobile, we've seen skyrocketing levels of hospital admissions for self-harm, especially among young girls who bully each other with these nuclear weapons called mobile phones. Fourteen-year-old girls post pictures of themselves and have their peers and strange men around the world evaluate them. I don't see how that ends anywhere good.
What can parents do?
You can't keep kids from social media forever but I do think it is probably time for age gating, we age-gate marijuana, alcohol and the best we can - pornography. Any age-gating of social media must help.
Do the social media companies need to take responsibility?
The way their algorithm presents data and elevates content has resulted in a spike in teen depression. So I think they should be legally liable. Subjecting these firms to the same legal liability that we subject others seems a fairly obvious go-to.
What the hell is happening with young men?
We have what I would describe as a generation of failing men because of the easy dopamine hits from trading stocks, crypto, porn and video games. They don't have the same motivation to get out and meet others. There's a winner-take-all environment in e-commerce, there's becoming a winner-take-all in mating. One in two relationships now start online. Everyone has access to everyone. The top 10 per cent of males are getting 90 per cent of the attention, meaning that the bottom 50 per cent are effectively shut out from the market. So we get involuntary celibates. It's a big issue. There's nothing more dangerous than a broke, alone young man. And we're producing too many of them. The most violent societies in the world all have too many of this cohort.
So what's the answer?
I coach a lot of young men and the first thing I do is say, we're going to find six hours a week off your phone. No TikTok, porn, Coinbase. We're going to reinvest that time into working, making money and trying to find actual friends and a mate. I want you to force yourself to do something. I don't care what it is. Join a rugby club, join a book club. Whatever it means for you to get out and meet people. Because sometimes that blossoms into a friendship or more, but unless you get out nothing happens. So I think the key is getting these kids off their phones, out of their basements and interacting with one another. It's not easy but it's the only solution. There's nothing wrong with approaching a stranger, saying hello and trying to have a conversation.
Aren't men being told that's creepy?
I think that's wrong. We've conflated, masculinity with toxicity. If you can't tell the difference between someone trying to strike up a conversation, maybe asking them out for coffee and harassing, then you have bigger problems. Nothing wonderful is going to happen, professionally, personally or romantically unless you subject yourself to an uncomfortable risk. Meeting people is uncomfortable. It's easy to stay at home and play games, learn crypto and get your physical satisfaction from porn, but over the long term, It's a recipe for an unsatisfactory life and depression.
Getting out is great but don't you also need a solid home life?
Capitalist societies are forgiving places for people with money and harsh rapacious places for people without. Few people develop economic security without working their asses off for 10-20 years. It cost me my hair, my first marriage and it was worth it because now I can take the afternoon and watch my son play rugby. It's not because I'm a great dad. It's because I was very focused on my career and I got lucky too. That was my way. That's not to say that's the right way. Some people decide at an earlier age they don't want to live to work. They move to a lower-cost area, live a modest lifestyle and spend more time with family and friends, their entire life. If they're making connections great. I respect that. But I tell young people, turn off the Hallmark version of work and life, where we can maintain our career, relationships, donate time, make a ton of money and coach little league. Be clear there is no such thing as balance. There are just trade-offs.
With that, the Prof was gone. What's his happiness message? Social media makes people feel bad about themselves, young girls especially. Boys are taking the easy online options, cutting themselves off from the world and becoming sad and angry. We need to spend less time on devices, get out and take the risks that lead to real connections. Any hope of economic security comes from working your arse off for years.
Of course, it's one thing to know the answer, another thing to convince a teenager. But if that's the only solution I reckon we all need to try.
With making real connections in mind, I ask Prof G if he wanted to get a drink next time he is in New Zealand. He said "sure". I'll take that as confirmed and assume we'll become best mates.
WHERE TO GET HELP
If it is an emergency and you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
For counselling and support
Lifeline: Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP)
Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
Need to talk? Call or text 1737
Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202
For children and young people
Youthline: Call 0800 376 633 or text 234
What's Up: Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm)
The Lowdown: Text 5626 or webchat
For help with specific issues
Alcohol and Drug Helpline: Call 0800 787 797
Anxiety Helpline: Call 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)
OutLine: Call 0800 688 5463 (0800 OUTLINE) (6pm-9pm)
Safe to talk (sexual harm): Call 0800 044 334 or text 4334
All services are free and available 24/7 unless otherwise specified.
For more information and support, talk to your local doctor, hauora, community mental health team, or counselling service. The Mental Health Foundation has more helplines and service contacts on its website.
The 19-year-old disappeared without her wallet or mobile phone.