Great Minds: Hamish and Kyle - On being addicted to your phone

In this web series, psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald and Nutters Club co-host Hamish Williams look at mental health and how to navigate some of the more challenging parts of modern life. Today they look at our relationship to our phones.

It was 2010 when I first encountered someone paying more attention to their smartphone than to the conversation they were having with me.

A friend looked at what was then a cutting edge iPhone 3 and started to tap away on its touchscreen keyboard.

At first I was confused and then a bit pissed off when I realised that he was paying more attention to his phone than he was to me.

It would be my first time encountering phone addiction.

Fast forward 12 years later, and not only is this common place but I would have to put my hand up as having engaged in the same behaviour.

Behaviours evolve and what's "socially acceptable" changes as we do. Technology definitely has a part to play in all this but is any of this harmful to us? Could it be constituted as an addiction?

If you get a bit nervous at not checking every time you hear "ding" then it might be time to rethink your relationship with your phone.

"The first thing is to determine if you're dividing your attention a lot," says psychotherapist Kyle MacDonald. "Trying to do more than one thing at a time trains us out of being able to focus in a clear way. This extends to relationships as well."

So someone not being particularly pleased that your time with them is being interrupted by phone use is a good indicator to get mindful about where your attention really goes.

It's not surprising phones get as much of our attention as they do. They connect us with friends and family, provide entertainment and can be a great tool for work as well. It could be the way we think about using our phone that might need a bit of recalibration.

"The main thing is to be intentional. Make sure you're making decisions about when you use your device, not the device," says MacDonald.

An easy fix for this is to have a look at your notifications. It can be that our phones can be quite demanding of our attention and not knowing what the latest ding, or buzz might indicate can lead us to want to check, inevitably stealing our attention away from whatever else it was that we were doing.

"Setting device-free time is also a good idea. Leave the phone outside of the bedroom when you go to sleep or set aside device-free time like when you might want to watch a TV show," suggests MacDonald.

If, however, someone is prioritising their phone over you, take a softly softly approach first. Ask them if it's important and don't be afraid to tell them you would really like their full attention if possible. After all, that's why you texted them to meet up in the first place.