The little boy has lived with numerous family members after his parents were found unfit - and his grandmother is terrified he will end up a statistic. Photo / 123rf
The little boy has lived with numerous family members after his parents were found unfit - and his grandmother is terrified he will end up a statistic. Photo / 123rf
When Alice heard her grandson was living in homes rife with drug and alcohol, neglect and family harm she dropped everything and flew from Australia to take custody of him.
Weeks later though, she had to return the boy to New Zealand to go and live with family members she says he barely knows.
She hasn’t got the money to fight for custody in court and fears the boy will not be happy in his new home environment or protected from his “damaging” parents.
She spoke to Herald senior reporter Anna Leask about her agonising journey. The Herald cannot legally identify the boy or his family. He and his grandmother are identified in this story using pseudonyms.
Ben was not attending school and living in a home where adults used drugs and alcohol frequently before Oranga Tamariki stepped in. Photo / 123rf
The last month has been an emotional rollercoaster for Alice.
For much of this year, she has been desperately worried about her grandson who has been bounced between various houses and family members after his parents - who admit using meth - were deemed incapable of caring for him.
When she was granted interim custody of the boy in November she was elated, relieved.
The grandson she had been frantically worried about for months was finally safe with her.
But that was to be short-lived lived and within weeks she was back on a plane to hand the boy over to “strangers”.
“It doesn’t sit right with me,” she told the Herald.
“I feel so disgusted with the whole lot …this has been a massive failure for him.
“He is not a bloody puppy or a parcel to be passed around.”
‘Dad has a black pipe for breakfast every day’ - Ben’s tumultuous childhood
In March 2023 OT received a report of concern about Ben, then just 6.
It was alleged his parents and maternal grandmother were abusing drugs or alcohol and there were “many people” at the house “constantly drinking, smoking weed and using methamphetamine”.
He was living with his mother and her mother at the time, with his father at a different address.
“Notifier is concerned that Ben’s needs are not being met regarding his hygiene and nutrition. It is stated that the home often had no water and the living circumstances are grim with animals running around and multiple hazards throughout the property,” an OT social worker stated a Family Court document provided to the Herald.
“Notifier mentioned that Ben goes to his father’s for a visit and he is also a methamphetamine user and Ben has told notifier that ‘dad has a black pipe for breakfast every day’.”
Ben told his social worker his father had 'a black pipe for breakfast every day'. His parents later admitted to authorities they used methamphetamine. Photo / Mike Scott
Photographs and video provided to the Herald show the house in extreme disarray with all surfaces covered with household items, junk and rubbish.
The kitchen and dining area are filthy with benches and tables covered in junk and the shower appears to be full of dirty clothing and further detritus including toys and coathangers.
About a month later OT called a family meeting to speak about the concerns and to create a safety plan for Ben.
At that meeting, both parents admitted “that they were users of methamphetamine”.
His maternal uncle was assigned as his primary carer and tasked with getting Ben to school every day and ensuring “his basic care needs are met”.
When the safety plan was reviewed in July it was revealed the uncle’s drug testing result showed “a high use of marijuana”.
He was “advised to reduce his intake or stop using as he was the primary caregiver” of Ben.
Despite his drug use, he had “done a good job” with the boy so far, with his attendance at school and hygiene “greatly improved”.
The social worker also noted “positive changes” at the house where Ben was living including it being clean, tidy and organised and with running water reinstated.
In August things began to spiral with the adults in Ben’s life.
His maternal grandmother allegedly assaulted his mother with a kitchen appliance after “a falling out”.
His mother moved back in with his father and the police were called the same day when the couple went and demanded they take Ben with them.
Police reported to OT that the house Ben had been living in was “in a mess” - there was “a large drum filled with RTD alcohol cans” and the house “smelt of some chemicals and was not fit for a young child”.
The next day the social worker advised Ben’s parents that there had been a breakdown in his current safety plan and a temporary solution was needed.
It was decided Ben could live with his parents, with the “oversight” of the woman who owned and also lived on the same property.
But in October that arrangement fell apart when someone reported to OT that Ben had been “physically harmed” by his father.
“It was stated that [his father] attacked Ben in a rage and threw Ben backward onto the couch then grabbed him by the neck of his collar,” the social worker told the court.
“[His father] then strung him up against the back of the couch. Notifier really thought they were going to witness [the father] punch Ben.”
“No evidential interview was completed due to no disclosure, however, his body gestures led me to believe that something did happen as per the report of concern,” the social worker told the court.
At home, Ben showed the social worker his play area.
“He said this is where he went if mum and dad were upset at him or if they were arguing,” she said.
In early November Ben’s mother left his father again and went to stay with a friend, saying she “was not feeling safe”.
The social worker agreed Ben could stay with his mother at the house if the friend supervised them “at all times”.
Other conditions were put in place including no drugs being consumed at the property, no visits from “strangers” and no family violence.
“It was made clear that if there were any breaches, that no one that was a party to the safety agreement will be looked at for [custody in future] as Ben has been through a lot… the family have had three hui and plans keep breaking down,” said the social worker.
“It was also reminded that if [Alice] does apply for orders… and that she gets them granted, that police would execute a warrant and remove Ben.”
A scene no child should witness - another safety plan fails
The social worker went to tell Ben’s father about the latest plan - and collect some of the mother’s property for her.
She said he “lost it and started yelling”, accusing her of not doing her job and threatening to go and take the child himself.
Later in the conversation, he said if he could not have his son, “then take him to my mum”.
He indicated his relationship with Alice was not great but “she will be safest for Ben until I can have him back”.
When the social worker returned to the mother’s address to hand over her property she found a shocking scene.
Both of Ben's parents admitted they are meth users. His uncle's drug test showed significant cannabis use. OT said none of the adults were fit to be his primary carer.
“[The mother] was on the floor in foetal position, rocking back and forth, then stopping and starting again. This was not a good sight to see,” she said.
“Clearly, she has taken something extremely strong… she was presented to be in a comatose state which was extremely concerning for us to watch - we were debating whether to call the ambulance as this was a sight that we watch in the movies but not in real life.
“It was obvious to everyone in the household were used to witnessing [Ben’s mother] in this manner. .. the outcome we witnessed, no child should be made to witness.”
The mother has genuine health issues but the social worker was unsure if her state was related to that or illicit drug use.
As a result of this incident the social worker told the family they had - again - breached the safety plan and they needed to agree to let Ben go to a new, safe carer.
She told the court she “cannot trust them anymore to do what they agreed to do and keep Ben safe”.
The social worker explained it would be “ideal” if Ben’s parents would consent to him going to stay with Alice.
The family reluctantly agreed Alice could have interim custody and a subsequent court order was made reflecting that.
Ben’s parents later stated they did not want him to leave the country.
Ultimately it was decided Alice could take Ben overseas for a few weeks while OT found a family member or foster carer who could properly support and care for him locally.
Safe and happy - Ben’s Aussie haven
Alice said when she first took Ben to Australia he was “severely malnourished” and had to be treated for ear and chest infections.
“He was so skinny, he was so unwell,” she told the Herald.
“He had a dirty little suitcase with few clothes, I put everything in the bin, it was too disgusting to touch.
“He spoke of constant screaming, of having to hide in the bushes while his parents fought.
“This was the first time in a very long time that he has been clean, well-fed, and safe… he is a picture of health now, he’s never had it so good.”
In Australia Ben had new clothes and toys and his grandmother helped him get over multiple infections and malnutrition. Photo / 123rf
Alice provided video and photos of Ben in her care - a smiling happy boy swimming, snorkelling, riding his bike, reading books, colouring in and enjoying meals out at restaurants.
Alice intended to seek a more permanent custody arrangement but in early December the social worker confirmed that another of Ben’s uncles and his wife in New Zealand had agreed to take him in.
The social worker said they had offered to provide the child “a stable, loving home” and had passed personal and home safety checks.
It was “a priority” to have Ben close to his parents to enable physical contact with them.
“From community members and all the whānau members that I spoke to, I cannot emphasise enough how great [they] are and how fortunate it is for Ben to have them as his carers,” she said.
“They are productive and safe members of their community, everyone spoke highly of them.”
When the social worker told Ben’s parents about the new plan there were “tears of joy” and they were happy the boy would be nearby with people “they know will keep him safe and have a lot of love”.
She wanted to keep the boy with her but could not afford any further legal action.
She had already spent her life savings fighting to get Ben for the short time he lived with her.
She worried he was going to live with people he barely knew and even more worried that he would be exposed to his parent’s drug use and or further neglect.
OT assured Alice the people Ben was going to live with were “decent” and all parental access would be supervised for the foreseeable future.
“I’ve been a mess, I haven’t got the words for it,” she said.
“I have been pretty hysterical, beside myself, it has all been too much to handle.”
Alice (not her real name) is heartbroken she's had to return her grandson to New Zealand and worries about what will happen to him in the future. Photo / 123RF
She said Ben had been anxious and “clinging” to her and she worried about how another upheaval would impact him.
“It’s beyond me how bad things got… The way Ben came into my care was beyond my wildest dreams, it was a display of pure negligence that I will never ever forget or forgive - and they are all guilty of it,” said Alice.
“It’s taken me a whole month to get his head health and wellness sorted… He looks better he is really strong and healthy now - this little boy was really neglected, it was so obvious.
“OT uplifted him for serious reasons… you couldn’t upset me any more.”
“I have no words left for the traumatic, vile ordeal. This has profoundly affected me .”
OT respectfully declined to speak to the Herald about the situation.
But a staffer told Alice in an email the agency would “ensure that contact between Ben and his parents are supervised until such time they have evidence genuine change and are drug-free”.
“Once again, thank you for providing Ben for an awesome experience and Oranga Tamariki will make sure that you continue to have contact with him.”
Anna Leask is a Christchurch-based reporter who covers national crime and justice. She joined the Herald in 2008 and has worked as a journalist for 18 years. She writes, hosts and produces the award-winning podcast A Moment In Crime, released monthly on nzherald.co.nz
