Golfers? journey through the ages

Shakespeare had his seven ages of man, but not to be outdone by the Bard, let's outline the seven ages of golf.
First there is the Age of Fearlessness from 15 to 25. This is the age when a short putt is anything under 30 feet with a break of no more than 8 feet; when your drives leave scorch marks when they rocket over the ladies' tees at 350 kph; and the time when companies like Nike and Titleist fight for your use of their products.
Next is the Age of Impatience, age 25 to 45. At this time you happily buy three new $1200 drivers in a year but write an indignant letter of complaint when the club puts up the price of a pint by 10c. It's also the age when you define "Slow Play" as any group visible in any direction from your location, from the time you reach the car park till the time you enter the bar. Choosing a new ball is of greater importance than choosing a new car or a prospective son-in-law.
Then comes the Age of Limitations, from 45 to 65. This is the age when you at last find a regular foursome, who define a "gimme" putt as anything under 30 ft with a break of less than 8 feet. It is the age when your sponsorship options are limited to Voltaren and Viagra, products you regard as two of the four basic food groups.
Finally, the Age of Disintegration, from 65 onwards. This is the time when graphite shafts are required not just for your clubs but also for your legs, arms and other appendages. It is the Age when improving your stance means you have bought a new truss, while your sole sponsor is Eveready, suppliers of batteries for your trundler, your hearing aid and your pacemaker.
You may be aware that certain portions of the Eastern seaboard of Australia have experienced heavy rain recently. Well, in the middle of it were those doughty adventurers, Forrester's Fabulous Fourteen. Mooloolabah, where they were based, wasn't as bad as further south but they still have managed 27 inches of rain since Easter and over 3 inches in the week the group were there. This in the so-called dry season.
They were scheduled to play golf on five days, with some possibly expecting to have seven rounds in the week. In the finish they managed four rounds, with the most spectacular wash-out, a torrential downpour, which forced cancellation after just one hole.
They did get to play Noosa Springs, Twin Waters, Highet Coolum (the home of the Australian PGA) and the sand-based Bribie Island.
The golf wasn't great as a result with Phil Rutene's 78 clearly the best single round, while one, who shall be nameless, turned in a monster 109.
John Harvey looked to be a runaway winner of the overall prize, but a miserable 99 at Coolum saw him passed for the top prize by newcomer Pete Jackson.
It can't have been too bad though as the group have already voted to return to the same area next year.
I haven't been able to find out much about the off-course doings of the group, apart from a little oddity about our worthy Chairman, Paddy Greville. Apparently he was bitten one night by a bug (a jitterbug perhaps?) and developed a severe attack of the "righties". Now that's worth asking about isn't it.
Last Saturday, in quite good conditions, members took part in a stableford event resulting as follows:
Group 1: Brian Campbell 38 pts 1st, Charles Anderson 37 pts 2nd, Blyth King 36 pts 3rd.
Group 2: Neil Anderson 39 pts 1st, Dave Thomas 35 pts 2nd, Murray Johnston 34 pts 3rd.
Nearest the pin prizes went to Russell Stewart at the Alex McLeod 8th, to Brian Leighton at the Fire Services 11th, and to Simon Dew at the Money Managers 18th hole. Megan Barker did best amongst the women with 34 points.
The Masterton women's side took on Mahunga on that team's home course in a further round of the Tilson Salver last Sunday. ;Masterton came out with an honourable three matches apiece, with Lesley Roberts, Helen Newland and Sereana Phillipps all posting wins. Sereana's result was noteworthy as she was four down to the redoubtable Rose Alexander but recovered to win the match with a birdie at the last. With just one round to go Masterton still leads the competition with 15? points.
On Monday in cloudy but fine weather 40 Vets played their weekly stableford.
Women: Sue Blathwayt 20 pts 1st, Colleen Hamilton 17 pts 2nd, Bib Vallance 16 pts 3rd.
Men Group 1: Graham McIsaac 29 pts 1st, Bill Hamilton 25 pts 2nd, Mick Gates 24 pts 3rd.
Men Group 2: Rex Fowler 25 pts 1st, Richard Falloon 24 pts 2nd, Brian Henson 23 pts 3rd.
Bruce Hannon was nearest the pin at the Fagan Ford 18th hole.
On Tuesday in mild overcast conditions the Masterton women played a mixed stableford.
Silver: Jo Bird 36 pts 1st, Lucy Williams 35 pts 2nd.
Bronze A: Shirley Simpson 38 pts 1st, Liz Waddington 34 pts 2nd.
Bronze B: Janice Hayes 33 pts 1st, MJ Watson 29 pts 2nd.
Nearest the pin prizes went to Venetta Justice at the Graeme Jones 8th hole, and to Ann Kenny at the Write Price 18th.
Off the Fairway
I've heard a little about our golfing globetrotters, Liz and Graeme Jones. After an enjoyable time on the continent they're now back in the UK. Apparently Graeme has managed to wipe out both rear-view mirrors on his son's car. Also they attended a wedding, Graeme in a brand-new suit. A passing pigeon celebrated the occasion in true pigeon style!