Working hard to get to the top of your feild is just so damn tiresome. Instead, why not try some exer-schmoozing?
KEY POINTS:
There are many ways to get to the top. There's working hard, of course, but, well, that's the long, boring way, isn't it? Then, of course, there's sleeping your way there. Depending on your superiors, that could take even more moral fibre, gnashing of teeth and 'thinking of a happy place' than actually working. And of course this method assumes your boss actually wants to sleep with you. If not, that's where the hypnotist comes in. Anyway, it quickly gets messy and expensive.
No, the smart people these days are exercising their way to career glory by taking up the same sporting pastime as the boss. It's becoming known as exer-schmoozing. A little background research on what your boss gets up to on their days off, some preliminary training and a carefully contrived 'chance encounter' while your superior is engaged in said activity is the only sure way to go. To make it even easier, you can be sure the big wigs are engaging in one of just five sports, outlined below.
Squash
Squash seems to be a popular sport for business execs of the young 'go-getter' variety. It also has the benefit of being relatively cheap. All you need is a raquet, a ball and the nous to join the 'right' city squash club or gym.
Downside: The only problem with squash is that it nearly kills you. The old adage 'You don't play squash to get fit, you get fit to play squash' is not just idle posturing.
If you are the competitive type - and you probably are considering you'd take up a sport just to network your way to a great job, you may have trouble throwing games. Obviously you don't want to give the person holding the ticket to your stellar career the most embarrassing thrashing of their lifetime, but squash is a competitive game, and it's hard not to want to win. The best result for all is victory to the big chief by a solitary point, demonstrating your physical prowess and determination, while re-affirming the bosses dominance over those next in line for the throne. They will also more than likely accept another challenge, thereby increasing your schmooze time.
Don't even think about squash it if you have a dicky heart.
Yachting
Yachting's great for business types. Many a deal is brokered on the choppy blue waters of the Hauraki Gulf, and toasted with a glass on bubbles on deck as the sun sinks behind the Waitaks.
Downside: Only trouble is, they're costly blighters. Inviting your boss out for a day's catching kahawai and sinking a few Lion Reds while bobbing about in your eight-foot, second-hand Parkercraft you got from Trademe isn't going to cut it, so unless you own a yacht or can borrow one, you may have to wait until you are invited onto one to make your big career move on an unsuspecting CEO.
Proactive wannabe yachtie networkers will endeavour to first learn which end is the bow, and this can be achieved by getting involved in crewing on racing yachts in the summer evenings. A quick internet search should reveal a few options, and before you know it, you'll be sniggering heartily alongside the management when a green newbie hops up on deck and starts tugging on the sail after being given the instruction to 'haul in the mainsheet'.
Golf
They say golf is the best way to ruin a good walk. That's only true if you don't understand the real reason for playing the accursed game: networking. Outside of actually working, golf is undoubtably the best-known business activity, and with good reason. All the exec types play it, and it's a sedate, four-hour exercise, ensuring a gentle, long-winded process to making it known that you'd like the big wig to give you a job that pays plenty.
Downside: The trouble with golf is that if you're useless at it you hold everyone up and they get annoyed. The best way to avoid this is by being prepared to go through a small fortune in golf balls. Sliced one into the bush? Leave it. Hit another and take the penalty. Screaming out 'I'm sure it's here somewhere. Just a little longer' to your high-flying business executive golfing partners who have been waiting for 10 minutes while you hack your way through foot-long grass with your pitching wedge in search of your 'lucky Titleist' is not going to get you on the board of directors.
Ironman
Competing in the Ironman screams hard working, diligent, dogged, persistant, high-achieving, win-at-all-costs - all of those traits that CEOs may recognise in themselves and look for in a top employee. It's the attraction of the challenge that seems to draw the high profilers - clearly just an extension of the same ambition that took them to the top.
Downside: The only drawback here is that completing an Ironman is a bit hard. A year's training will probably not be enough. Injuries are common and probably for life, diets are rigorous, self discipline is needed in spades. It's bound to be an emotional rollercoaster. And the irony is that if you do find the wherewithall to train for and compete in the Ironman, you'll probably have already transferred that grit into your career and will no longer need to take up a silly sport to network with the top brass, but will have blinded them with your work ethic and 6am starts. Still, you'll be in great shape to cope with the long hours.
Road cycling
If you've ever been driving around the city at the ungodly hour of approximately five in the morning, you've probably seen them racing around in a big gaggle of flashing headlamps and reflector sashes. They're road cyclists, and they're not olympians training for London, but rather heads of companies and members of boards of big corporates. And all the while they're making deals, and they're talking about the movers and shakers of the business world.
Downside: Well, there's the lycra - enough said about that. And there's the expense - some of these racing bikes can run into thousands, and God help the try-hard that turns up on a $150 Raleigh that they've borrowed from their teenage child.
The main obstacle to joining this fleet of velo-execs, however, is simple yet infuriating: keeping up. These are busy, fit people, and they have become used to grinding out 50 kilometres before breakfast. The best strategy is train extensively alone for months and then, when you are finally ready (because you only get one chance), to lie in wait then simply ride out of a side road and join the group like some sort of sucker fish. A complimentary yet nonchalant comment along the lines of 'you guys set a good clip - mind if I sit in the slipstream?' should do the trick.
