Gauche behaviour damaging

There is more to business etiquette than using the right fork or knowing when to turn up for an appointment, writes JULIE MIDDLETON.

Kiwis' relaxed attitude to business etiquette and protocol can be damaging to their careers, says psychologist and career coach John Groom.

"Our informality and relaxed attitudes to hierarchies, power and the value of business rituals" can see us causing offence or surprise without meaning to, he says.

And that risks impairing the personal bonds that are the key to spectacular business relationships.

Career consultant Kevin McMahon says observing etiquette is a key method of building rapport.

"Ignoring etiquette is a little like attending a board meeting in gumboots and a Swanndri.

"They may have something of value to say, but the question is, will they get to say it?"

Two planks of business etiquette don't need to be taught: respect for colleagues and common courtesies.

However, while social mores tend to work along gender lines - the gallant guy attends the gorgeous girl - business etiquette is genderless and hierarchical.

For example, it's not necessary for men in the workplace to hold doors open for women - that can unintentionally offend, says Hilka Klinkenberg, director of Etiquette International, quoted on Monster.com.

The first person to the door should open it. And if you're searching for tips, be sceptical of the screeds of advice on the net.

A lot of it comes out from the United States, where things are often done differently.

For example, in the US it's quite in order to pre-order everyone's meals at a business dinner. But it's a concept most New Zealanders, especially the vegetarian, diabetic, or allergic, might find offensive as well as risky.

Check out your etiquette below - and our experts' suggestions.

1. You meet a big cheese in the corporate world. After a brief chat you hand him your business card. Correct?

No, says Woburn International corporate coach June Ranson, unless there has been some major common bond established.

"Don't hand business cards out like confetti," she says. They risk being filed "under R for rubbish."

Adds John Groom: "Look for cues from him. Ideally, set it up so he needs to ask. Ask him, 'Would you like a card?' "

If you do get a chance to hand a card over, says image expert Susan Axford, face the print towards the recipient. Never put a card received straight into a pocket - it will seem unduly hasty.

2. You answer the phone for a colleague who is on his way back to his desk and ask, "Who's calling, please?" Is this correct?

"No," says Groom. "I don't want to give the faintest hint to anyone else about the possible privacy and discretion of the call."

Psychologically, he says, people who ask such questions are setting up barriers for callers.

Axford says it's better to identify yourself and ask if you can help.

3. You're a Pakeha at a meeting including Maori members of staff. As the discussion concludes, the Maori staffers spontaneously stand up and sing a song. How do you respond?

Says corporate coach Kevin Simms: "In theory, if you knew Maori culture you would respond with a song or a quote, but if you don't, acknowledge it as a gesture."

Says Groom: "Be natural. Say thank you, but don't feel you have to respond [with a song.] Use self-deprecating humour along the lines of I'd love to sing but I'd drive you away."

4. You have to interrupt a meeting in your boss' office. To whom do you first direct your apologies?

Axford: "Your boss. They are the one hosting the meeting."

Simms: "Make eye contact with the boss and give a general apology for interrupting."

5. Your boss enters your office while you are with a client. You rise and say: "Ms Boss, I'd like you to meet Mrs Client." Correct?

Axford is appalled that a boss would barge in. "I'd question his etiquette!" she says. That aside, "introduce the person to the boss." It is less important these days whose name goes first, she says, "as long as [full] introductions are done politely."

6. Handshakes - when and where?

Always shake hands when you are introduced, say our experts. Make them firm but not crushing, and make direct eye contact. Shake hands when leaving an office meeting.

Groom says a handshake isn't necessary when bumping into a business acquaintance briefly on the street or when at a business associate's home.

7. When being introduced, should you always stand up or is it acceptable to remain sitting?

Axford: "Definitely stand and shake hands." Make eye contact.

Groom: "I prefer people to stand, because of the power and dominance thing - the power difference when one is sitting and one standing."

8. You're hosting dinner at a restaurant. You have pre-ordered for everyone and indicated where they should sit. Correct?

Pre-ordering is acceptable in the US, but not here. "You might be giving them things they are not allowed to eat," says Ranson.

Whether you indicate who should sit where depends on who your guests are and the occasion.

For example, says Ranson, Japanese business protocol seats to a hierarchy - but Kiwis should generally be left to find their own seats.

9. You are invited to a function the invitation to which states an arrival time of between 6 pm and 8 pm. At what time should you arrive?

"6.20 pm," says Groom. "You don't want to catch people by surprise by being the first there."

Find out if there is something you absolutely need to be there for, like a 7 pm speech, says Axford, and tailor your appearance to suit.

10. You're at a dinner and champagne is served. You can't stand it but know the host will propose a toast. What to do?

Ranson: "You would just pretend to toast. You would lift the glass, just to be joining in."

Axford advises the be-true-to-yourself approach: "Ask for water or orange juice - you can't force alcohol on to people."

11. A toast has been proposed in your honour. You say "thank you" and take a sip. Correct?

Axford: "No!" Taking a sip while being toasted makes you look as though you are toasting yourself.

12. Midway through a business meal you are summoned to the phone. What do you do with your napkin?

Ranson: "Fold it and leave it alongside your plate."

Leaving it scrunched up on the chair "makes it look like a bit of a handkerchief ... and waiters may well come and fold it up."

Axford: "Don't roll it up and put it back in the ring or fold it - that implies you've finished."

13. You've forgotten to turn up for lunch with a business associate. You know he's cross. Appropriate response?

"An enormous apology," says Axford. "You have to be sincere, and explain why, but don't go into details." She says it may well be a good idea to reschedule and pay for that meal.

It's not necessary to do the apology face-to-face, especially if travelling would be time-consuming, but Groom says that's the best method.

"You just grovel. Heartfelt apologies go a long way, and you have to be an unusual person not to accept them."

14. What are three basic courtesies to use with office speakerphones?

Groom says you should never have to encounter a caller on a speakerphone, or only if permission has been sought first.

Axford says you should explain you're on speakerphone and identify who else is in the room.

Simms adds that everyone in the room should introduce themselves so voices can be identified, and there should be an agenda to keep the call orderly.

* Got any etiquette questions? Have them answered by our expert. Write to julie_middleton@nzherald.co.nz