Kim Parkinson sits down with Chopper for a question-and-answer session ahead of his brand new show at the Gisborne War Memorial Theatre.
Tell me a bit about yourself, Chopper.
I can tell you about myself but I’d rather tell you about a very special man named Jesus Christ. Just kidding, I have brown eyes, brown hair, and I like footy.
Why do you think you have gained such notoriety, especially in Australia.
I think it’s because I travel in a Zeppelin shaped like a fist.
It’s called the Hardenberg and it’s quite conspicuous, so it’s hard to stay low-key when you drop that thing off at valet parking.
There was a movie made about you with Eric Bana and you appeared on the Underbelly true crime series . . . were these fair representations of you and your life.
It completely left out the Hardenberg. I also go to sleep in real life for about eight hours a night and they didn’t depict any of that.
I mean, realistically, about one-third of my day is spent sleeping, so one-third of the movies and TV shows should portray old uncle Chop Chop having a bit of a snooze.
Obviously that’s far too “real” for a lot of those cowards in Hollywood, but I guess they try and cherry pick the best bits, don’t they.
Tell me about this new comedy show.
Well, at the start everyone will come into the theatre and sit down. I won’t be out there for that but there will be some music playing. At the agreed on start time I will come out to some exciting music and then start telling jokes.
People will laugh at these jokes because I have made sure they are very funny by doing them in front of a lot of people in previous shows dating back to November last year. Then after about an hour of this I will finish telling jokes and walk off the stage. The audience will probably go home having had a great time and I will probably go back to a motel and eat a sandwich with ingredients I bought from Pak’nSave earlier in the day.
Do people need to be familiar with your story to get it?
No, they don’t have to know me at all. The show isn’t about me - I‘m an arsonist, not a narcissist.
It’s about all the crazy things that modern idiots get up to. It’s about looking around at what people are doing in utter disbelief and then laughing at the sheer dumb****ery of it all.
What makes a man who has been inside for a large chunk of his life after being convicted of everything from armed robbery to arson, be so adept at comedy?
Well, you have to be able to see the funny side of things. Like when I’m robbing someone, I’m getting free money - and that’s pretty funny to me. Also, when I set something on fire it’s very rarely something I own, so once again it’s very easy to see the funny side of that. The people who need to work on appreciating the funny side of those situations are the people whose stuff I stole or set on fire.
They are always like “but I worked hard for that, wah wah”.
Actually, now that I put myself in their shoes, I can see how it‘s very inconvenient for them.
I imagine it is not for the faint-hearted . . . is that true?
No, it’s fine, it’s for everyone with a sense of humour. I once saw a magician cut a lady in half, which is pretty full-on. I won’t be getting up to anything weird like that - just some words assembled into some very funny sentences. I think we can all agree that compared to thieves and arsonists, magicians are the real monsters in society.
What the reviews say:
WINNER Comic’s Choice Award, Melbourne Comedy Festival 2018
WINNER Best Comedy, Fringe World 2018
“This is a top hour of uproariously entertaining comedy . . . packed with good gags and ‘so wrong it’s right’ moments.”
★★★★ Chortle UK
“Any fear or even faint suspicion that Heath Franklin’s Chopper persona was running out of steam evaporate within the first few seconds of his smashing new stand-up show.” Herald Sun
“Australia’s funniest comedy character.” ★★★★ Sunday Mail
Gisborne Memorial Hall, 7pm, Wednesday, May 15. Tickets: www.premier.ticketek.co.nz
