Susi Newborn was there at the birth of Greenpeace in London, but she no longer recognises the monster her baby has become.
Her recently released autobiography, A Bonfire in My Mouth, is heavily critical of the marketing monolith Greenpeace has become, a far cry from the original band of barefoot eco-warriors.
Ms Newborn, the daughter of an Argentine diplomat who died in London in mysterious circumstances, has lived in New Zealand for 13 years.
While the Waiheke Island resident admits Greenpeace is "doing some extremely useful stuff", she is disappointed it has become part of the "elitist capitalist structure" it started off fighting.
"They've done nothing to address systemic violence or tackle human rights abuses, and you can't separate the two," she says.
"It is a huge, global brand involving vast amounts of money. I don't know that the average supporter gets much bang for their buck."
Ms Newborn says Greenpeace began as a spontaneous grassroots movement of people determined to make a difference.
Her book constantly differentiates between Greenpeace, which moved away from its founding ideals to become entrenched in macho power struggles, and the Rainbow Warrior.
For Ms Newborn, the boat came to embody the original Greenpeace vision: a floating egalitarian utopia in which "the captain cooked and the cooks steered the boat", moving with the rhythms of the ocean, navigating using the I Ching.
Ms Newborn agreed to write a memoir after failing to get a film made about the Rainbow Warrior.
For someone who never intended to write an autobiography, she has given a full picture. From losing her virginity in the back of a Mini at 15, getting stoned with Spike Milligan, to her suicide bids, it is all there.
She admits she was "a bit pissed off" with fellow Greenpeace founder David McTaggart when she started writing.
"It was just bad luck that his autobiography landed on my desk at the same time as I was writing this ...
"He put himself at every exciting moment in Greenpeace history, like the naming of the Rainbow Warrior when in fact he was 1000 miles away at the time.
"But it was when he attributed something I did to a male crew member that I got really annoyed."
Even so, she describes him as "a loveable rogue", and hopes "the love for him shines through". After Mr McTaggart died in a car crash, she and fellow environmentalists on Waiheke planted an olive grove in his memory.
Right from the start, Ms Newborn and Mr McTaggart clashed over how much Greenpeace should court the media.
"I believed if we got out there and did the job well, we wouldn't need to chase media coverage.
"Many of us felt uncomfortable, but we needed to get the images out there - this was the first time people had seen pictures of whales being harpooned or blown up."
Ms Newborn, now a mental health support worker with a marae-based service, thinks Greenpeace's greatest achievement was capturing people's imaginations.
"We gave them something to believe in."
- NZPA
Herald Feature: Conservation and Environment
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From barefoot activism to global behemoth
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