Friendship grows through tragedy

Lorraine Young (right) and Sally Rossiter with son Tristram. Photo / Simon Baker

They are two mums whose daughters were murdered together. The women grieved together. And now, they've moved in together.

Sally Rossiter's daughter Hannah, and Lorraine Young's daughter Jane, both 16, were hit and killed when a man drove his car through Christchurch partygoers two years ago this week.

Lipene Sila, 23, has been convicted of their murders, but has appealed against his conviction and 17-year jail sentence. The Court of Appeal has reserved its decision.

The deaths took their toll on the families: Rossiter and her husband had already split up, but she says he hasn't spoken to her since their daughter's funeral. Their 14-year-old son Tristram, too, is having difficulty understanding the loss of his sister.

The 19-year marriage of Young and her husband Harry also ended after their daughter's death.

The killings shocked the city: 17 other teenagers were injured, and others were emotionally traumatised.

Sally Rossiter and Lorraine Young did not know each other before they were brought together by their daughters' deaths. Now, they find that only they can understand each other's pain.

"We had both been given grief counselling," Rossiter says. "I walked out of my session and Lorraine was in the waiting room. We gave each other a hug and said we should have a coffee and we did.

"From that point we started to talk and hang out together. It was great - it was better than the therapy because we could just talk about what happened without anybody looking at us sideways. I mean, there was something about Lorraine and me: we understand it ..."

US-born Rossiter moved in with Young and her three sons this year. "Survival is a huge thing for us," Rossiter says. "It's getting back on your feet. Lorraine and I are involved in a programme helping women with health, nutrition and their weight.

"She is lovely, funny, smart, really strong. I so admire her."

Tuesday was the anniversary of the girls' deaths, and the women remembered them with friends. They talk all the time about Hannah and Jane, laughing and high-fiving as their daughters would have done.

And the two women joke about their live-in friendship. "We started by telling people we are living together," Rossiter laughs. "Then we said we were flatting together and it was really quite funny. And then we throw in we are dating, so they clearly get the picture."

In fact, she says, both women are dating men. "I think it's bizarre that anyone thinks it's unusual, but Christchurch is quite conservative."

Today, on Mother's Day, Rossiter will have breakfast with son Tristram as they try to rebuild their lives. "It's not just about Hannah."