Fostering a future

Fostering children is an ordinary - and enjoyable - part of life for Bev Melhuish of Masterton.
Though Mrs Melhuish works fulltime and has raised three children of her own (41, 39 and 25) she still finds time on weekends to care for school-age children whose regular carers need a break.
This care began when she was 20 and has included looking after children with disabilities.
One grandmother who came to drop her child off gave Mrs Melhuish a big hug and called her a godsend, "because she had a weekend where she didn't have the active child".
Mrs Melhuish is on the roster for the Open Home Foundation, in Masterton, who are always looking for new foster carers.
Mrs Melhuish has some regular stayers, taking in young charges every second or fourth weekend, but sometimes has children stay longer.
A recent visitor stayed for a month.
The children, says Mrs Melhuish, just fit in.
"It's not a job."
Her family includes a 12 year-old for whom she has been caring since he was five and now has guardianship.
The boy's presence helps make the others feel comfortable, Mrs Melhuish says.
"He calls me Bev, and they just think he's staying there like them."
Boys are "given a choice between the spare room and the top bunk; they always choose the top bunk, probably because that's where the TV and computer are".
Mrs Melhuish says Open Home looks after her, and is "only a phone call away" if she needs them. She has also learned to say no if she is too tired and needs a break.
"That's a big thing for me."
Some questions spring to mind, like how does a foster carer fill in the time?
"We get out and about," says Mrs Melhuish.
Routines include "Thursday night fish and chips, Friday night at the pool, Saturday pocket money, and Sunday they come to church.
"They moan and groan, but they come: if I'm doing it, they're doing it."
Other weekend activities might include the beach or a bushwalk.
Managing difficulties is about understanding the kids' needs, Mrs Melhuish said.
One child "found structure and that very difficult" and Mrs Melhuish said she knew "he needed to go to bed a little later to manage him".
At meal times, "I'm not eating that," is met with, "Well, that's the option."
"He ate it; he was just testing."
Respite care, taking on a child for the weekend, is not as hard as people might think, Mrs Melhuish said. "There are people out there, if they've got kids, they can just squeeze one more in for the weekend. You just carry on; what you do with yours is what you do with the others.
"I sometimes ask myself why, but if I was doing something else I'd soon be doing this again."