Former child abuser goes from ugly to good to TV helper

By ANGELA GREGORY

When George Ashby's children come up to him, he says, their "scared faces" have gone away.

"Now they hug me ... I feel my kids have seen me go from ugly to good, but not perfect."

For years Mr Ashby had abused, smacked and hit his children - until his wife left him and he could no longer stand the shame.

He appears on a TV3 panel tonight after the screening of an hour-long drama about families ripped apart by child abuse.

In the studio discussion, hosted by John Campbell, viewers will be offered practical advice about what they can do to tackle the problem.

Called Questions 2: Killing Tomorrow, the discussion follows the same format as Questions, an acclaimed youth suicide programme shown last year.

Unlike many child abusers, Mr Ashby was not hit as a youngster.

The Wellsford man says it was not until he left the support and love of his whanau that violence took over his life.

"I left home and went out on my own at 16 ... travelled all over the country, did alcohol and drugs, all sorts."

Mr Ashby found it a culture shock. "I forgot I was a Maori."

He got into debt, which added to the stress and frustrations of trying to get by on a low income.

But it was not until he stopped turning the blame for his shameful behaviour outwards - on society or alcohol - that things changed.

"What we do when we abuse is we don't acknowledge we are the problem."

Help came from another former abuser who got him on to programmes. "I felt I could trust him."

Mr Ashby said he had to become aware of his feelings and learn how to handle them.

He now facilitates similar programmes for other men

"I can relate to them and them to me. I know where they have been, where they are and, if they don't get help, where they are going."

Although the days of guilt and shame are over, Mr Ashby, who has reconciled with his wife, worries about the damage done. He does not want his children to repeat history.

And he wants to be a good role model: "It could be easy to fall back. I have to stay aware of myself."