Follow the lovers' rule book

It's an eye-rolling occasion for many people, but next week St Valentine's Day is coming to an office near you. Think cards on desks, mysterious deliveries, giggly office juniors (and that's just the guys), and older generations moaning about "Americanism" while secretly hoping for a card. St Valentine's Day is also possibly the only day of the year that having a teddy at work is considered normal.

But while many people actively look forward to February 14, managing St Valentine's Day activities in the workplace can be a nightmare for employers. International examples of chaos include anonymous deliveries of underwear through internal mail systems, clogging of office email networks with typed 'sweet nothings' and significantly reduced productivity due to hours of staff time spent perusing and discussing St Valentine's cards, gifts and email. Some psychologists even claim if unequal volumes of St Valentine's gifts are received by work colleagues, negative emotions including bitterness, disappointment, jealousy and depression can result.

Dr Andrew McCulloch, chief executive of Britain's Mental Health Foundation (MHF) had this stern message to impart to the world's office workers on St Valentine's Day 2004: "Too often people feel lonely or isolated at this time of year... It's worth remembering that all sorts of relationships affect our wellbeing and are highly valued - not just the hearts and flowers type, given so much precedence around now."

If that isn't passion-killing enough for you, New Zealand employers spoken to for this article also warn giving St Valentine's Day gifts and cards in the workplace can be construed as sexual harassment.

"Some people use the day to 'up the ante' on pursuing someone who has previously stated they have no interest; others offend a customer by sending them a Valentine's gift considered inappropriate. We come down hard on both issues," says one employer.

Cupid's arrow must surely be drooping by now. But serious HR issues lurk beneath what may seem like a too politically correct approach to Valentine's Day and larger employers now have policies and philosophies that determine how office romances are conducted on any day of the year.

Neil Porteous, human resources director for Vodafone New Zealand, says with 1400 employees averaging 30 years old and a male to female ratio of 50:50, office romance is bound to follow at Vodafone. While the telco doesn't have specific policies around St Valentine's Day, it does have policies that relate to appropriate romantic behaviour at work.

"There is a distinct difference between an office romance and sexual harassment or totally unacceptable [intimate] behaviour," says Porteous.

He says while it's not Vodafone's job to police morality in people's private lives - employees having an extra-marital affair are simply expected to act professionally at work - Vodafone would only step in if the relationship was deemed sexual harassment, if it was inappropriate because of the relative work positions of each party, or if it had a negative effect on a Vodafone customer.

Porteous says while some international organisations try to ban office romances, in a country the size of New Zealand that's not realistic or desirable; too-strict policies may hinder recruitment, work romances are normal, couples can offer each other support at work and long-term relationships create a sense of family in the workplace.

"There is something nice about seeing people flourish in their personal and professional lives, and then go on to marry and have children whilst still with the same organisation," says Porteous.

Internationally, HR consultants agree that employers who try to ban office relationships only send the romances underground: instead of an open, honest organisation people become guilty and furtive about the inevitable office relationships that develop.

Porteous says openness is best and Vodafone encourages staff to be transparent about the status of their personal relationships. However, he says new couples can't be in positions of influence over one another - for example one in a position to approve the other's expense claims - and couples who separate or divorce and no longer want to work together in the same area need to work out that problem between themselves.

"We can offer mediation, but we'd prefer people to come to [their own] amenable arrangement. My experience is that people do work it out," says Porteous.

Don Mackinnon, employment lawyer and partner for law firm MacKinnon and Associates says the New Zealand Human Rights Act 1993 ensures employers can only regulate what occurs within workplace and not outside it. However, if an office romance compromises the integrity of work processes, creates the risk of collusion between individuals, or affects the competitiveness or internal reporting structures of a business, then the employer is within their rights to interfere.

"An employer can't impose its morals on its employees, but it can impose restrictions on how the workplace will operate and who will report to whom, as far as is necessary to remove a problem," says Mackinnon.

He says rather than firing an employee at risk of collusion because of a personal relationship, an employer should first seek legal advice and then do everything possible to remove the workplace problem internally.

"Could a sales rep now in a relationship with their reporting manager report to another manager? Could they be moved to another area within the business? Only if an employer cannot find an internal solution to the problem can they look at termination," says Mackinnon.

"An employer can make it clear that St Valentine's Day celebrations have to be kept to a minimum, and an employer who wants to send out a warning about restricting St Valentine's Day activities is within their rights to do so."

However, it may not be a good idea. Successfully managing office romances may be more important to an organisation than a CEO realises; international HR research suggests a relaxed approach to office romances can be used as both recruitment incentive and competitive device. Further, with more women working and people working longer hours than they did 20 years ago, an employer with a realistic view of office romances - and sensible HR policies - are more likely to retain staff and have better workplace morale.

St Valentine's Day

* Banks and schools are among those known to have strict rules around accepting gifts from parents, clients, or business associates. Some businesses also prohibit work colleagues from exchanging gifts.

* Intimate St Valentine's Day gifts should not be sent to a place of work.

* Don't send gifts to someone you don't really know. It can cause problems if the recipient is already in a relationship.

* Discreet gifts usually well received include concert tickets, music CDs or plants.

* If your St Valentine's Day overture leads to an office romance remember different companies have different policies on office relationships.