Fletcher Hawkesby with his mother, Gretchen Hawkesby, who says he is a legend and she has drawn strength from him. Photo / Michael Craig
Gretchen Hawkesby burst into tears when she told her son Fletcher he had testicular cancer.
The mother-of-four and daughter of New Zealand’s richest man, Graeme Hart, was usually the one supporting other families’ sick children - as the former vice-chairwoman of the Starship Foundation, which has raised millions of dollars.
Gretchen told the Herald on Sunday she would swap places with her son if she could.
“Finding out Fletch had cancer freaked me out, it’s not something you want your kid to go through at all. He should be down at Otago living it up and having fun with his mates, running amok, not here at home with Mum and Dad. He is a legend, and I have drawn strength from him. He has a very good sense of humour and pulls the cancer card to avoid doing the dishes.”
In his first interview with the Herald, Fletcher, 18, says he is on a mission to create awareness about testicular cancer and to encourage young men to “give those jewels a fondle”.
“All you do is grab your testicle, move your thumb around it like a joystick, like you’re holding a controller, then feel them up. If you feel anything other than a smooth sphere, get them checked immediately.”
Fletcher is in his first year at Otago University, studying a Bachelor of Commerce in marketing and hopes to become a primary school teacher. But he’s been living at home in Auckland and studying online while going through treatment.
In August, he felt a lump on his left testicle but ignored it because he thought it was hormonal.
But when the lump became painful in January, his mother sent him to see the family GP on his own. An ultrasound revealed he had stage 1 testicular cancer. His mother was the first to know about the diagnosis.
“Mum came into my room crying and said, ‘You have cancer.” I gave her a hug and felt numb but there was no time to think, ‘Oh my goodness, I have cancer. I wished I’d checked sooner now it might have given the cancer less time to grow.”
Testicular cancer occurs when abnormal cells develop in the testes, usually, only one testicle is affected, but sometimes both.
Peter Dickens, chief executive of Testicular Cancer New Zealand, said it was rare, but it is the most common type of cancer in young men aged between 18 and 39 in New Zealand. Out of 175 men who get diagnosed, about eight young men will die each year.
There are two types of testicular cancer. Fletcher has non-seminoma cells that usually occur in men in their teens and early 20s and is faster developing and will spread to other parts of the body.
Seminoma cells usually occur in men aged 25-45 and men over 60. It develops more slowly and is usually confined to the testes and lymph nodes.
“My message to young men is, ‘Get to know your fellows and check them every month.”
“Our charity is to encourage young men who don’t address the symptoms, which can include enlargement of the testicles or a hard painless lump, which might not cause you to shriek in agony... Both testicles should be round, smooth and even and you should check them every month. All the symptoms revolve around the physical characteristics or feeling in your testicles.
“If you are young tell your parents, but if you are too embarrassed, talk to someone you can trust. If you test for testicular cancer, it also doesn’t mean you will be infertile or your ability to produce testosterone will be affected, the body can operate on one testicle. The thing to remember is there is an astonishing, over 95 per cent, cure rate.”
Within a week of his diagnosis, Fletcher had his left testicle removed on January 27.
“After the operation, Fletch danced all night at my mother’s 70th birthday,” Gretchen said. “We are incredibly proud of him that he is willing to share his story with his friends and family and now publicly. Fletch is laid-back, caring and kind. When all the family’s home he makes a cup of tea and goes into everyone’s rooms, to kiss them ‘goodnight’.”
Initially, Fletcher was given the option of having preventative chemotherapy or surveillance, he chose the latter. He had already moved to Dunedin and settled into Selwyn College his hall of residence. Fletcher also wanted to socialise with his friends and meet new ones during Orientation.
While he was at university he saw an oncologist for blood tests and to check his right testicle.
On March 31, the day of Gretchen and Duncan Hawkesby’s 22nd wedding anniversary, Fletcher was told the cancer had spread to his lungs.
“I was told I had a 50/50 chance the cancer would come back. I feel kind of lucky it came back quickly; I also know with testicular cancer there is a 98.2 per cent chance it can be cured. So, while I have testicular cancer in my lungs, it is not lung cancer,” Fletcher said.
Fletcher will start his final three-week cycle of chemotherapy next week, having already completed two other cycles. He will also sit his semester final at Otago University’s Queen St campus while he completes his last week of chemo.
The teen, who loves rowing, cycling, water sports and reading, says it’s boring having to sit still for six hours but he is thankful so many friends have been at his bedside offering their support, especially Angus, who drives him to chemo on his day off from acting school.
Fletcher has decided against surgery for a prosthetic testicle because he has got used to only having one.
He was also encouraged to freeze his sperm, which he says felt awkward.
“It was an uncomfortable experience. I had to answer, ‘Where would you like your sperm to go if you are dead in 10 years and who would you like the sperm to go to?’ I had to control myself from laughing. I was tempted to put down the name of a mate. So, if I died in 10 years’ time, my mate would get my file with viable semen. I thought that would be funny then decided not to.”
The student says testicular cancer has given him the “worst superpower ever” and his immune system has the “effectiveness of a papier mache bomb shelter”.
“My semen is radioactive. I was told if I had sex to use protection. All body liquids carry a certain amount of chemo so if you share body fluids with someone, they can lose their hair. I need to wipe down the toilet seats after use, not spit at anyone and wash my hands often. If I want to have sex I must use protection for a year.”
Gretchen said, “You should always use protection, listen to your mother.”
Fletcher’s siblings have rallied around and wrapped him in love. Miller, 21, is studying a liberal arts degree at Dartmouth college, a private Ivy League university in New Hampshire. Jemima (Mima),19, is also at Otago studying for a Bachelor of Marketing and Communications. She is close to Fletcher and took him out for dinner after his oncologist appointment in Dunedin. Fletcher’s youngest brother, Dylan (DJ),16, is in the sixth form at Auckland Grammar School.
Fletcher shaved his hair off in the third week of treatment and so did both of his brothers to show their support. His sister cut 30cm off her long hair.
Gretchen says she is brave around Fletcher but she and her husband, Duncan, who invests in start-up businesses, are constantly on high alert for fevers and the risk of infections.
“I got teary when I dropped him off to see his grandparents in Waiheke Island. Duncan, who is a great writer, texted ‘Stay positive- positivity comes with strength.’ We are so overwhelmed with pride and astonished by Fletch’s attitude. But when we kiss him goodnight and he’s a bit cold and clammy we panic and think has he got a fever? Is something wrong?
“We are constantly on high alert for fever, nausea and ulcers, but we try hard to live as normally as possible. We don’t want to engage socially with other people, but we don’t want to be on our own either.”
She is blown away by friends and family for their love, support and delicious baking. She is extremely grateful for the medical support Fletcher has received.
These days when Gretchen isn’t fundraising for Auckland Grammar and looking after Fletcher she enjoys hanging with her girlfriends and playing tennis. Her husband is a keen runner and is in training for the next Coast to Coast marathon. The couple are both learning to play golf which is “fun but painful”.
Gone are her pig hunting days and drinking Lion Red. Gretchen says she’s more of a “chardonnay girl” these days and is particularly fond of Mudbrick, who they supply grapes to from their vineyard in Waiheke.
She is close to her parents, Graeme and Robyn, who live next door and pop in regularly. Fletcher is also close to his paternal grandparents, former TVNZ and Three broadcaster John Hawkesby and his wife, Joyce. His aunt and uncle are Newstalk ZB hosts Kate Hawkesby and Mike Hosking.
Recently, his cousins Jackson and Josh took him out for breakfast.
“Fletch’s illness hasn’t brought us closer together as a family because we are already so close, and it certainly hasn’t torn us apart either,” Gretchen said.
Gretchen is also realistic the chemo Fletcher is getting might increase his chances of having leukaemia as an adult.
“You can’t carry on living pretending this is not going to happen but he will have ongoing surveillance. If he gets it, they will pick it up early and treat it. It’s one thing at a time.”
No matter what lies ahead, Fletcher is determined to live life to the fullest.
“Having cancer shows how quickly your life can be put on ‘pause’. Our 9-year-old friend Frankie was diagnosed with a brain tumour the same day I was diagnosed with cancer. She was given nine to 12 months, but she only had four. I visited her the day before she died, she was fast asleep and didn’t have the energy to open her eyes. I sat there and thought how much worse it could have been for me, that really hit me and put things into perspective.”
Testicular cancer in NZ
'You don’t want to be doom and gloom your whole life. That's just a miserable way to live'