Jessica Bramer and Darren Sim sharemilk 400 cows in Southland.
Jessica Bramer and Darren Sim sharemilk 400 cows in Southland.
Life on the land can be great, but it can also put a lot of pressure on romantic relationships. Rural health experts from the University of South Australia have launched a new online resource, Building Healthy Relationships, to help farmers and their partners. With that in mind, Kem Ormond decided to catch up with two Kiwi couples, to find out how they met and what makes them tick.
When the sun is out and the snow is glistening on the ridges of the hills, we envy farmers and all that fresh air and views that are postcard-perfect.
We sometimes forget there are also times when the weather is dismal, the sheep or milk prices are at an all-time low and farmers are continually battling the forces of Mother Nature.
We also have couples who have chosen to work on the farm together, day after day, dealing with every aspect of farming from animals, fencing and finances, to raising a family and managing to keep harmony in the household at the same time.
I chatted with two such couples and asked them how they managed farm life while still having time for themselves as a couple.
Jessica Bramer and Darren Sim are a couple sharemilking 400 cows in Southland, having met at a singles ball on Stewart Island in 2005.
With this couple, efficiency is the game and working to their strengths is what they find works for them, although they are happy to change roles if one of them needs a change.
They know each other’s strengths, Jess is the logical thinker, and is good at planning and tending the animals while Darren is an out-of-the-box thinker and really good at maintenance on the tractors and bikes.
While Darren can fix most things, he is also adaptable to whatever seems to come along in the day.
They are a team and enjoy collaborating with each other.
Having the same values helps and always prioritising their animals and being efficient in their workday and business are on top of their list.
Like most couples, they don’t always agree on everything, but with a bit of time out and reflection, they always come to the same conclusion/resolution afterwards.
“It keeps things interesting,” they said.
Getting time off the farm is never easy and even harder if you are a couple.
Darren enjoys riding his road bike for time out and Jess, who finds it harder to leave the farm, says regular yoga helps her de-stress.
For this couple, working together is all the spark they need, they bounce off each other.
They have a vision for the future and working towards that goal motivates them.
And when it comes to who cooks the evening meal after a long day on the farm, domestic duties are shared.
While Jess may cook the evening meal, Darren is a dab hand at the early morning breakfast, and he knows his way around a washing machine like he knows the back of his hand.
Scott and Julayne Thompson
Sheep and beef farmers, Scott and Julayne Thompson.
Scott and Julayne Thompson own a 2700ha sheep and beef farm, 39km up the Waitōtara Valley, in South Taranaki, on the longest no-exit road in New Zealand.
The pair met when they were both working in Hunterville, Julayne breaking in horses and Scott shepherding at a nearby farm.
For four years, the couple managed both Rimunui and Mahoe Station before they took the opportunity to lease Rimunui in 2012, and bought all the stock and plant.
After 11 years of leasing, they were able to purchase Rimunui in June of last year.
The Thompsons’ farming business is multi-faceted, with income derived from sheep, beef, mānuka honey and carbon, plus, farm tourism in the form of hunting.
The couple also manage an 840ha property at the end of the Waitōtara Valley road.
They more or less fell into their roles on the farm and the work is evenly shared, even if Julayne quite likes rainy days and doing the bookwork with the fire roaring.
But don’t get me wrong, she does her fair share when it comes to crutching, drenching and dog work.
She would rather walk when moving stock in the winter and leave the tractor work and spraying to Scott.
Scott takes on anything to do with budgets or figures, whereas Julayne with her even temperament, takes on the role of keeping them both grounded.
Honest communication has been and still is the key to their successful working relationship.
As with any type of farming, there are times when stress and pressure mount up, but Scott and Julayne have learnt that during these moments, it is important to take time out and appreciate what they have around them.
This could include the sun coming up, the ever-changing views of Mt Taranaki, the lifting fog and even a truckload of their lambs looking their best and heading out the gate.
They do a lot as a family and Charlotte, 14, and Lachie, 12, enjoy getting out into the bush with their parents, for all of them that is a relaxing time.
Scott said that, on the odd occasion, it was nice to brush the hair, polish the shoes, and take Julayne out for a meal.
At the end of the day, this couple shares putting an evening meal on the table with Scott being a dab hand with desserts and his scones are legendary in the local community.
Probably why they are never short of visitors - they too must have heard about Scott’s scones.
More about building healthy relationships
The new building healthy relationships module is based on what research shows will help couples stay in successful relationships.
Offered through ifarmwell – a free online toolkit that helps farming communities cope effectively with life’s challenges – the 30 to 60-minute module helps farmers check in on their relationship, explore how to improve its quality and learn how to repair it when things get tough.
The ifarmwell website is based on more than 10 years of research by a team led by Associate Professor Kate Gunn. It also includes input from hundreds of farmers and supporters from the health and agricultural sectors.
University of South Australia research fellow Dr Chloe Fletcher said maintaining a healthy relationship was incredibly important for farmers and their families.
“When you live on a farm and in a small community, romantic relationships can feel intense, in a way that might not happen for people living in the city.
“Farmers tend to be more physically and socially isolated than people in the city.
“They often spend more time with their partner - not only living and socialising, but often also working together - and share more resources, interests, and friends.”
Fletcher said farmers also worked notoriously long hours, often alone, with long workdays leaving little energy to connect meaningfully with their partner.
“This can put pressure on a relationship and lead to frustration and resentment.
“Sometimes stress within a romantic relationship can even lead to mental health challenges, which is why it is so important for farmers to invest time in the wellbeing of their relationship.”
