Family's desperate quest for answers

Juliet Sheppard looks into the eyes of her missing husband Lee every morning.

Two-year-old son Jaden has the same bright, blue eyes, shock of blond hair and cheeky character as his father.

"His dad used to play the drums. He's a show-off just like Lee - he loves a song and dance," says Juliet.

But the toddler has never laid eyes on his father, who disappeared without trace on a wintry London night more than three years ago.

But rather than seeing Jaden as a walking, talking reminder of a painful memory, Juliet says her son keeps Lee alive.

"I love that. He looks like Lee but their personalities are even more similar. That's probably the best part."

Lee disappeared during his 11pm to 7am night shift supervising workers at a northeast-London refrigerator recycling plant on January 31, 2002. The 26-year-old did not return from a tea break during a night of snowstorms and was last seen at 2am.

None of his bankcards or his mobile phone has been used since.

A week before Lee's disappearance, the married couple of five years had just received the best news possible: they were having a baby. Lee was over the moon.

There seemed no logical reason why he would suddenly vanish. In fact his last words to Juliet before he left for work on the day of his disappearance were: "I'll miss you tonight. I hope you have a good sleep, babe."

For three months Juliet and Lee's parents searched for answers as to his disappearance. Various theories emerged. None could be substantiated.

Juliet moved back to her hometown, Pahi, 84km southwest of Whangarei - but the family kept pressing police to continue their investigations into Lee's disappearance.

Although the English press gave the case considerable coverage, no leads emerged.

For Lee's parents, Ken and Rose, the agony of not knowing what happened to their son has been all-consuming - so much so that they are now selling their lifestyle block at Pahi, where they have lived for 35 years, to fund a trip to the UK.

Once there they plan to hire a private investigator in a last-ditch bid for answers.

The file on the case has never officially been closed, but the Sheppards believe police simply gave up the hunt for Lee once the family returned home. Rose and eldest son Brent flew to London two days after Lee went missing and spent a fortnight there, before returning to New Zealand empty-handed.

She flew back with Ken a week later and lived in London, searching and hoping in vain, for three months.

"Three nights ago, I called them for the first time in two years and I haven't heard back. I've made many calls and no reply back," Ken says. "The police are absolutely hopeless."

The couple regret not hiring a private investigator but felt they could not afford it at the time. "We couldn't even buy a coffee. We were lucky to have the use of a free penthouse and had a very generous financial backer. But I couldn't spend another man's money," Ken says.

The entire trip will cost at least $100,000 but the cost of not knowing what happened to Lee, they say, is far greater.

Five men were working with Lee the night he disappeared. Two Ukrainians and two Australians have returned home, with one Englishman still living in the area.

"You can't just vanish into thin air," Rose says.

"Surely one of them would say something after all this time, even for our sake."

Unable to move on, Ken says time has stood still for three years.

"I could bury Lee tomorrow, it would give us closure, we could grieve," he says.

"We are going back very, very soon because we've got to solve it this time, we've got to get closure especially for Jaden's sake."

With a young son to raise, Juliet is unsure about joining her in-laws in London to look for her husband.

"I'll definitely go if there's some development. But it's a long way with a toddler and I don't want to uproot Jaden."

She is also struggling to find closure. "I try to move on but something always keeps coming up."

Photos of Lee in his younger days line the shelves and bookcases at home for Jaden to look at.

The chirpy toddler recognises his father. "It's daddy," he says.

"I show Jaden a lot of photos of Lee and I in London, and he knows it's mummy and daddy together.

"He doesn't understand at the moment, for him it's just a name, but when he starts asking questions I'm going to be as honest as possible.

"He hasn't known any different. In some ways it's good that he didn't have to suffer the loss."

Although they both grew up in the small township of Pahi, the couple didn't meet until after they had both left school.

Juliet laughs when the subject of any new relationship is broached by her father-in-law.

"He'll have to get the seal of approval from her four brothers-in-law," says Ken.

But until Lee is found, the family fear they will never move on from January 2002.

"Until we get closure I can't move on. And I don't want to be 20 years down the track and still not know. It's torture," Juliet says.