Family violence: How you can save a life

Police are calling on New Zealanders to report family violence in a bid to stop harm and save lives. Photograph/Getty Images.

New Zealand has the worst rate of family and intimate-partner violence in the developed world and over the Christmas and New Year period the number of incidents spikes dramatically. Less than 20 per cent of incidents are reported to the police - so what we know of what we know of family violence in our community over the festive season is barely the tip of the iceberg. Today we have a simple message - every Kiwi has a right to a safe, fear free and happy holiday. We are revisiting our campaign We're Better Than This, and over the next few days we want to raise awareness, educate, and give an insight into the victims and perpetrators. We want to encourage victims to have the strength to speak out, and abusers the courage to change their behaviour.

The woman sits on a chair by her front door, handbag slung over her shoulder, about to head off to work for the day.

Suddenly the door flies open, an arm flies out, the closed fist smashes into the side of her head.

She reels, almost flies off the chair then braces herself. He comes outside, the man behind the fist. He hits her again and again.

The top of her head, the side, her face, her arm, her torso.

He's a big guy, he's working up a sweat and he steps away to catch his breath, to wipe his face with his t-shirt.

He circles the yard then walks back towards her, lifts his leg and sinks his foot into her side.

She's crying now, hands up to fend him off. She's pleading with him. "Stop, please, stop."

He doesn't.

For more than 10 minutes he beats her, circles, wipes off his sweat and repeats.

She sits there and takes it, the terror across her face plain to see, until he finally stops and walks back into the house.

For a few seconds, she remains on the chair, defeated and deflated.

Then she sits up, adjusts her bag, stands and walks towards the gate.

She stops at the clothesline, uses a sheet hanging there to dry to wipe her face, dab away her tears.

Then she goes to work.

It wasn't the first time this had happened, but it was the first time the neighbours managed to capture the violence on film.

As the neighbour recorded the incident she called 111 and directed police to the Auckland house.

By the time they got there it was over, and both the victim and abuser denied any assault or trouble.

But the police had the video - they had evidence.

They charged the man and he was convicted and sent to prison for almost three years.

But it's highly likely his partner will take him back when he is released.

For now, though, she is safe from harm, violence and him.

Hers, like countless other New Zealanders is a vicious cycle police are trying desperately to break.

"It is gratuitous violence," says Martin Bailey, Counties Manukau district programme manager for the Whangaia Nga Pa Harakeke family harm team.

"But she has acclimatised to this, it's normal for her.

By the time police got to the address it had all finished. We spoke to him and he said nothing happened. She said nothing happened. She didn't want to complain and unless police go around knocking on doors gathering evidence there isn't much we can do.

Martin Bailey, Counties Manukau police

Bailey's team worked on another case of a man who assaulted his partner in a carpark.

The couple were arguing over a cellphone in the vehicle and it resulted in a vicious assault.

"He dragged her out of the car, tips her upside down and spear-tackles her into the concrete," Bailey says.

When police interviewed the man he denied the assault.

He came across as "the nicest person", Bailey says.

Then, video emerged of the assault. It was captured by CCTV cameras at a nearby restaurant.

"We are trying to get into the mindset that there is evidence out there for so many of these incidents - and we need to get it," says Bailey.

"If people have that evidence, let us know and we can act on that - and we will, even if [the victim] doesn't make a complaint we can still act on it."

Police are calling on all New Zealanders to help them with evidence.

The simple act of calling police when your neighbours are fighting, or photographing or recording a violent incident on your phone can be all it takes to save a life.

So next time you hear or see something that isn't right or that worries you, don't turn your back or walk away - be the one to make a change in someone's life.

If you're in danger NOW:

• Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you
• Run outside and head for where there are other people
• Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you
• Take the children with you
• Don't stop to get anything else
• If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay.

Where to go for help or more information:

• Women's Refuge: Free national crisis line operates 24/7 - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 www.womensrefuge.org.nz
• Shine, free national helpline 9am- 11pm every day - 0508 744 633 www.2shine.org.nz
• It's Not Ok: Information line 0800 456 450 www.areyouok.org.nz
• Shakti: Providing specialist cultural services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and their children. Crisis line 24/7 0800 742 584
• Ministry of Justice: www.justice.govt.nz/family-justice/domestic-violence
• National Network of Stopping Violence: www.nnsvs.org.nz
• White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men's violence towards women, focusing this year on sexual violence and the issue of consent. www.whiteribbon.org.nz

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