Expectant mothers plan for break-up

Women with young children are becoming more calculating about marriage, even putting money aside in trusts in case their relationship fails.

The insight comes from new research which studied the attitudes of New Zealand men and women who had gone overseas to travel and work, then returned home to have families. All had children under the age of 2.

Research company Universal McCann illustrates this trend through the comments of one woman, who had saved for 18 months before she and her partner became parents, putting the money in a trust.

"I'd like our relationship to last," she confessed, "but I'm realistic about these things ... "

However, research manager Nimesh Amin said the women were not being cynical. They were just longer-term planners than men, seeing the arrival of parenthood as reason for forward planning. Men tended to see parenthood as the end of one journey and the start of another.

"Women can see where they want to go, or a situation, far earlier than men, and this is how they look at marriage," he said. "It's knowing the end goal."

Talking to dads, he added, it became clear that "they had no plans for the child before the birth. Their attitude was 'I'll muddle through'."

The research also found that a couple's relationship was often reassessed when a child arrived.

Some mothers felt sorry for their partners, as did this mum: "I know the way that he feels about me hasn't changed, but if I had to choose between my child and my partner, there's no choice."

Men said they had stronger feelings for their other half after a child's birth. But they realised they were not always trusted to look after very small children.