Eric Thompson: The neighs have it

Eric Thompson believes that horses and cyclists do not belong on highways. Photo / Thinkstock

I'm beginning to think there is some grand plan that involves me and my responsibility to report both on asinine acts on our roads, and stories in various press outlets.

Whenever I mention venturing on to a road - unless you're in a motor vehicle of some description - is a foolhardy decision at the best of times I'm told I should kowtow to people not in a car.

In one day I saw and read enough to make me want to move to a Third World country - mind you, of late I reckon we are, anyway - where, forget about raising the speed limit, there are no road rules. Everything depends on who blinks first and nerves of steel.

The day in question started with a truly Twilight Zone moment when I was making my weekly trek to the Herald's offices to record the Most Glorious Motorsport Show on nzherald.co.nz. Anyway, back to my Darwin Awards' moment (if you haven't checked these out see: www.darwinawards.com). As I'm driving along Wolfe St I notice a woman walking in the middle of the road. Picture this, folks: there are footpaths on either side of the road and there are no cars parked on them.

I thought she would hear me coming but apparently not. She must have earbuds in, or something along those lines, but I couldn't see anything. Maybe she's deaf, I thought, but not blind as she could see enough to walk in a straight line.

As I got closer she turned and looked over her shoulder - not deaf, then - then looked back ahead.

At this point I had one hand firmly on the horn as well as winding the window down to tell her firmly what I thought of her addled antics.

All I got back was a zombie-esque look and a gentle veer back to the footpath. I'd like to think the woman was on drugs or something, but no. Her reply was that I should give way to her even though she was not crossing the road but using it as a pavement's equivalent of a multi-lane highway.

I get home that evening and pick up the local magazine to read a story on a district pony club whinging about car drivers not giving their horses enough room to walk on the highway. If you're stupid enough to own an animal that weighs half a tonne with the average intelligence of a dysfunctional 3-year-old, don't ride the bloody thing on a public highway - it's for cars. Paddocks are for mobile food, as all four-legged things should be considered.

Just in case you horse-riding folk haven't quite realised yet, equines no longer are the preferred mode of traffic, they're pets now, so keep them in your own backyard and not on a public thoroughfare.

Shaking my head after that piece, I picked up the local paper and read a story about a bunch of lycra-clad wannabe racing cyclists who rode in a slow procession around Orewa at bloody night. It was to highlight (pardon the pun) cyclists' deaths on the road.

Most of you know my feeling about cyclists, but why on earth do this perilous protest at night when the risk to cyclists from tonnes of metal is at its highest?

I believe tarmac should be the bastion of motor vehicles and things that don't have an internal combustion engine should be elsewhere.