Te Radar: Why Santa claws the good folk of Buenos Aires

I am sure the plaintive cries of "Choose me!" are still echoing around the halls of Argentina's Tax Department after its tax inspectors were informed that some of them would be deployed to the streets, masquerading as Santas, to encourage tax avoiders to pay up.

These faux Santas were tasked with stopping people on the street and offering them incentives to pay their tax.

I am not sure whether those who conceived this idea did so to collect more revenue or simply to demean tax inspectors. Either way, such are the vagaries of the Christmas spirit.

It was a case of avoiding spirits at Christmas that clearly led police in one UK district to moot the idea of a drink-driving campaign, the central feature of which involved a familiar, red-clothed, bearded figure, run over and killed by a drunk driver.

It was eventually decided that this idea might be a little too severe for the festive season, and may indeed have had an adverse effect. As one psychologist commented: "People have very black humour these days and I think they might find it funny and not take it seriously." Ho, ho, ho.

Coincidentally, Santas in Western Australia have been banned from uttering that jovial laugh for fear of frightening children.

They have also been banned from handing out candy, patting kids on the head, and should they have their photographs taken with children, they must have both their hands in full sight at all times.

Needless to say I suspect they are also banned from kissing mummies underneath the mistletoe at all.

Still, it could be worse.

In Germany recently, Santa was savagely beaten after two men reportedly snapped when asked to tell him what they wanted for Christmas. I understand their anger.

I recall being told to be good, threatened with the idea that some chap called Santa was constantly watching me. The dread that this invoked was palpable. For years I was unnerved by the thought of an elderly man constantly scrutinising me as I performed all of the bad actions of which I remain so fond.

Of course, not everyone believes in Santa.

The Iranian President, who I suspect won't be celebrating Christmas let alone leaving a stocking out for Santa, doesn't even believe in the Holocaust. He is such a grinch that he could get a job as a Hamilton Taxi Company official, where he could concentrate not on annihilating Israel, but banning drivers from wearing Santa hats.

At least some people still have a sense of humour in the festive season.

Outside one Oklahoma store, police crime scene tape surrounds a Santa sleigh, some dead reindeer, and a prostrated Santa lying face down with an arrow in his back.

Mike Denison, the store manager, said, "We don't have Santa out there with blood on him or a body bag over him. We're trying to make it clean enough that no one thinks we're anti-Christmas." Indeed.