Te Radar: When news breakers become the news makers

Into the House they trod. The clever, the mad, the bitter, the glad, and the sad. The chosen few. Our elected representatives.

Parliament, second only to the TVNZ newsroom for dramatic exhibitionism, found itself once more open for the business of governing.

Luckily for TVNZ, the charade of the election campaign has not been stifled as fits of pique, petty name-calling, and juvenile squabbling lit up the chamber and the newswires, causing a momentary distraction from Our News Leader's own news.

Initially, I believed that someone had neglected to tell the TVNZ newsroom that they are supposed to be reporting the news, not creating it. But, as they continue to create news with such panache, I was forced to ask whether they weren't trying to cross-finance the news and current affairs department from shrinking comedy and drama budgets.

Perhaps this synchronicity is really a shrewd reinvention of reality television. To combine an ongoing soap with courtroom drama and high farce means that The News now covers all entertainment bases.

No longer will TVNZ journalists face the newsroom's greatest threat: The slow news day. They can simply do something wacky, then report it. This was no better evidenced than the "Fired Sale" of Judy Bailey's not-so-glad-rags.

They, among other news sources, reported the story of enterprising New Zealander Peter Bethune, who has decided to produce bio-fuel from his own fat.

Sadly for the human dynamo he was rather lean, and several vigorous violations of his abdomen managed to produce a paltry 100 millilitres of scarlet body slurry, apparently enough to power his vessel about 50m.

Performed primarily as a publicity stunt for his round-the-world bio-fuelled boat journey, this action could have positive implications for the future of New Zealand's food, health, and energy industries.

The rush to slim the nation could end, as we realise that the answer to the fuel crisis is literally in our own hands, in the form of pies, burgers, and fries.

these are in one hand, our other hand is busy clutching the steering wheel. The Kiwi institution of attempting to eat totally inappropriate food while driving could now be considered a fuel efficiency scheme.

This means that of the many sadnesses created by the passing of Rod Donald, perhaps the most ironic is that his desire for renewable energy and alternative fuels could be greatly enhanced.

Many have commented that if he, a fit and healthy man, should be struck down, what is the point of the rest of us struggling to maintain good health. Better to give up and do our national duty to fuel the nation through letting our fat be harvested.

If anything positive can be taken from the death of Rod Donald, then hopefully it is a lesson to some of the boors in the House about what the nature of representation means.