Te Radar: Third World-dom has an upside

Hopefully we will soon witness our own little Dunkirk, as the young, the old, the frail and the insane heroically clamber behind the wheels of Star-wagons, Hi-Aces and Mazda Bongos to take advantage of the economic boon that is the bus drivers' strike.

These vehicles, crammed to the gunnels with their cargoes of desperate humanity, will swarm over the golden miles of Auckland's thoroughfares in a fervour of patriotic public service profiteering.

Hopefully, too, the spate of murders and sexual transgressions will have tied up police resources, meaning they will have no time to enforce laws prohibiting people without passenger licences from ferrying Auckland's trapped workers and schoolkids about for a small profit.

That is one of the best things about being a Third World country: the ability of the populace to spontaneously engage in economic opportunism.

Clearly we have all the hallmarks of a Third World country. Along with our forces of law and order failing, we have just announced huge spending on defence, there is poo in our water and we are a haven for dodgy diplomats from shonky regimes.

It does, however, seem only fair that we allow a certain number of dodgy politicians in, given how many we export.

It also means that whatever it costs the taxpayer for legal aid for alleged terror-towelheads is worth it for the sake of international publicity.

I doubt if too many foreign folk contemplating a holiday here will think when they see these items on their news broadcasts: "I had better not go to New Zealand as they appear to be harbouring a few genocidal geriatrics."

Rather they will think, "What a nice-looking place that seems, and aren't all of those people on bicycles so quaint".

While some politicians wail and lament our lurch towards the Third World, as if it is somehow shameful, there are, in fact, many benefits.

Being a Third World country means the defence dollar goes further, as there are more people wishing to enter the Army for less pay. It has been reported that we don't have enough military personnel to crew our shiny new armoured vehicles. This is untrue.

We have enough to crew them, but the real problem is that once we do, there aren't enough troopers left to then clamber out and do anything when they get to wherever it was they were going.

Being a Third World nation will also stop the unregulated flow of migrants flocking here for economic good fortune.

One has to wonder how difficult background checks of these folk are in the age of internet search engines. Just type their names in and see if something pops up. Unfortunately, when people surf the web what often pops up is considered inappropriate, especially in an office situation.

Pornography can be damaging to some, but it can also be great entertainment, especially if you happen across pictures of someone you know. Or at least someone who looks like someone you know. That's when the fun really starts.