Sideswipe

Police car: A reader writes: "I didn't know we had disabled members of the force? But I suppose they too have grocery shopping to do ... " (Picture taken at Greenlane Foodtown on Wednesday)

Hackers with top SOH: From the The Daily Record newspaper ... "Phreakers, or 'phone hackers', managed to break into the telephone system of 'Weight Watchers' in Glasgow, and changed the outgoing message to 'Hello, you fat bastard'.

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Don't take it literally: From the Churchdown Parish Magazine ... "Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church, labelled 'For The Sick', is for monetary donations only".

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Corrections and clarifications: From The Derby Abbey Community News ... "We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce".

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Best Country-Western Song Titles of All-Time...

1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed

2. Get Your Tongue Otta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

3. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

4. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

5. Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

6. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite

7. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

8. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus

9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him

10. You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly