Sideswipe

What do you get when you put a stir-crazy unemployed actor in a room with a stack of gossip mags and a camera? See link below for more of Californian Jeff Polage's work.

Signs you may need a new job soon:

11. The security guards begin wearing body armour.

10. They turn off your computer after 1pm to "save on electricity".

9. They move your desk to the basement and take away your stapler.

8. You're listed as part of the inventory.

7. Your CEO just fell past your window.

6. Your new business cards now have an expiration date.

5. The cafeteria menus now say "Food , may contain 10 per cent recycled content" in tiny letters at the bottom of each page.

4. There's a meeting on the schedule for "Employee Liquidation".

3. The people in Human Resources start acting really nice to you.

2. Your boss asks if your skill set includes cock fighting.

1. Your boss says "Remember, there is no u in team."

(Source: satirical website BBSpot)

* * *  

Overheard in Farmers, St Lukes:

Customer: Do you stock any Calvin & Goliath pyjamas?

Sales Assistant: Calvin & Goliath?

Customer: Yes, I was hoping to get a pair for my friend's birthday.

Sales Assistant: Could you be thinking of David & Goliath?

Customer: Maybe ...

* * *

A reader writes: "Last Thursday I flew from Auckland to Wellington overnight for business and when I returned to my car at Auckland airport, a green Toyota Prado, I noticed a note on an Eastridge New World receipt under the wiper blade.

It read "Thanks for scratching my door, asshole", which confused me a little as I drove away. Yesterday when I finally got around to the monthly wash I noticed that the note-person had also used a key to gouge an even more sincere signature along my door.

To that person, who obviously lives in the Eastridge area, it wasn't me, but thanks for the kind words and the panel job, may karma be with you."