Sideswipe

A wannabe Santa leaves the public toilet on Victoria St, Auckland, after what may have been a hard night ... December 25, 2005. Picture / Greg Bowker

Puns for all the whanau:

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says: "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." Dolly doesn't believe her. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted: "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied: "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

* * *

Greg - very short story by Tony Priestley.

Greg saw me coming and hurried down the road to meet me. I had been warned about him; about his greed and persistence. So I walked past him and pressed on up the hill. When I looked back there he was, following me about 15 metres behind. I hardened my heart and pressed on, but so did Greg. After about another half kilometre I stopped to look at an interesting bird. While fumbling with the focus of my binoculars I became aware of a soft scratching on my bare leg. There he was, testing his claws for grip on my skin. He looked up pleadingly. The body language of his steady gaze said "Food, food!". Mine, in reply, said "No food Greg. No food". He still followed a while longer before giving up. That's when I felt mean. Here I was on lovely Tiri Tiri Island refusing food to what might well be the cutest takahe in the world. But what else could I do?